


It's All Okay

by casdeanbee



Series: Castiel, Jimmy and Dean [4]
Category: Supernatural, The Office (US)
Genre: (mentions of), Blow Jobs, Bubble Bath, Complete, Dorks in Love, Everyone Needs A Hug, Father!Castiel, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, M/M, One Big Happy Family, Past Sexual Abuse, Pneumonia, Post-Concussion Syndrome, Sick Character, Some Plot, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Vomiting, between cas and an ex, cuteness, everyone is happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:55:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22406800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casdeanbee/pseuds/casdeanbee
Summary: Cas is still recovering from his concussion when Jimmy gets a mild case of pneumonia. He tells himself he can handle it, but he ends up needing Dean more than he thought. His recovery is troubling him a bit but he finds comfort from Dean being by his side, and they get through it together despite a little bump along the way.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, past Castiel/Original Male Character(s) - Relationship
Series: Castiel, Jimmy and Dean [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1398361
Comments: 5
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is part of a series and there will be more context if you've read the OG fic (obviously, heh), but it can be read independently all the same. 
> 
> So, if you're reading this as an individual fic, all you need to know: Cas has a son called Jimmy (3y/o) and they live in Scranton (Penn). Cas (25y/o) and Dean (28y/o) have been dating for around 4 months and Dean has recently moved in with Cas and Jimmy. Cas is recovering from a concussion.

Cas feels himself being stirred from sleep by a hand rubbing his back up and down. He makes a small noise and opens his eyes, turning over under the warm blankets to face Dean who is propped up on his elbow, smiling softly.

“Morning.” His smile widens as he leans down to press a kiss to Cas’ forehead. “I’ll get Jimmy up. You take an extra five.”

“Mmm thanks.” Cas mumbles back, finding Dean’s hand then squeezing it before letting go and closing his eyes again.

He feels the mattress move when Dean gets up and enjoys a little extra time in bed, listening to Dean entering Jimmy’s room and talking to his son to rouse him from sleep. Cas smiles when he hears Dean talking about big dinosaurs and penguins that are apparently telling him to wake Jimmy up.

Cas eventually forces himself up and out of bed, rubbing his eyes. He stands still when a wave of dizziness washes over him, waiting for his vision to clear while wondering what the day will bring. Being in the office, it’ll probably consist of crazy antics and awful, unfunny jokes told by the one and only Michael Scott. “Lots to look forward to.” He mutters to himself sarcastically, taking in a deep breath as he pulls the bedroom door open and wanders across the landing.

When he enters Jimmy’s room, he sees Dean holding onto his son who is all wrapped up in a blanket.

He wonders whether his little boy is still sleeping, but he notices two small blue eyes watching him when Dean turns around.

Jimmy holds his arms out towards him, so Cas approaches them and carefully takes Jimmy from Dean’s arms.

“Morning sweetheart.” He kisses the top of Jimmy’s head making eye contact. “You okay?”

Jimmy gives a sleepy nod, sucking on his pacifier lazily.

His son seems more sleepy than usual, but it could be due to it being Monday morning.

“Come on, let’s get you ready.” He smiles. Dean hands him some clothes for Jimmy to wear then he takes the little one to the bathroom to change him.

“I’ll start on breakfast.” Dean calls across the landing.

“Okay, thanks.” Cas calls back as he sets Jimmy down next to the bath. “Here, let’s get this off.”

He helps Jimmy out of his pajama top and into his ‘bee kind’ tshirt, as well as a thick fleece sweater since it’s started getting cold out now.

When he’s disposed of Jimmy’s night time pull-up and cleaned him up, he picks up what happens to be Jimmy’s favourite pair of underwear with owls on (Cas has no idea why he likes them so much) but Jimmy doesn’t move so Cas can’t help him put them on.

“You okay Jimmy?” He frowns, searching his face for answers.

“Pull-up?” He asks quietly.

“You want to wear a pull up today instead?”

Jimmy nods.

“Are you sure? You’ve been doing so well.” Cas reasons. Sure, Jimmy’s had a few accidents here and there since he stopped wearing pull ups last week, but he’s been doing _really really well,_ so he has no idea why he doesn’t want to carry on today.

Jimmy nods again.

“Okay. Just today though, okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Is your tummy feeling funny? Are you _sure_ you’re feeling okay?” Cas asks as he gets a pull-up out of the cabinet under the sink.

“’m sure.”

Cas isn’t sure he believes him, but he nods anyway. He won’t push Jimmy; if there’s something he isn’t telling him he’ll find out soon enough.

“Okay.” He gives a small smile and strokes Jimmy’s hair before helping him into the pull up and his pants and some socks.

When Cas heads downstairs with Jimmy in his arms, he sees Dean buttering some toast.

“Smells good.” He hums and sits Jimmy down at one of the chairs at the table.

Dean turns around and smiles at them both, placing a plate in front of Jimmy with a piece of toast on shaped like a ghost. It has two little eye holes and Dean seems to be very proud of it.

Jimmy stares at it, not moving to pick it up at all.

“Buddy, you okay?” Dean notices Jimmy’s weird mood immediately.

“Yes.” Jimmy nods, turning to look at the door when there are three knocks.

Cas wanders over and unlocks the door before opening it to see Missouri. “Hey boys, sorry it’s early. I was just wondering if you’ve seen my purse here. May have left it last night.”

“Oh yes, of course!” Cas goes into the living room, picking up Missouri’s purse from the coffee table. After she left after dinner last night, they found it down by the couch. “There we go.” He hands over her purse.

“Ah thank you. You two working this morning?”

“Yeah. Unfortunately.” Cas huffs in amusement. “Hey, listen, we had a great night last night. Thanks for coming over.”

“Oh, my pleasure. Thanks for inviting me over.” Missouri smiles. “I’m happy to look after Jimmy if you two ever want a date night too, you know.”

“Thanks Missouri. Really appreciate it.” Cas takes a bite of his toast. He feels Dean’s arm move across the small of his back.

“Do you boys want to go and get ready? I don’t mind staying and watching Jimmy for a little while.”

“Really? Uh, yeah that’d be great. Thank you.” Dean goes over to Missouri and gives her a hug. “Glad you had a good time last night.”

“Me too. Now off you go and get dressed.” She points at the stairs.

Dean holds his hands up “I’m going, I’m going.”

Cas snorts and shakes his head, leaning down to kiss the top of Jimmy’s head. “We’ll be back soon. Wanna go watch TV with Missouri?”

Jimmy nods, slipping off the seat to go to the living room. Cas sees just two bite marks on the toast and sighs.

Missouri puts her hand on his shoulder. “Is he not well?”

Cas runs a hand through his hair, “I don’t know. He says he feels fine but he’s acting strange this morning.”

“I’ll see if I can talk to him. Don’t worry. Now go, go and get dressed.”

It really reminds Cas of his mother, and he does as she says. “Okay.” He laughs. “I’m gonna do as you say because, in the words of Dean, I may ‘get my ass whipped’.”

“That’s right, young man.” Missouri points at him jokily. “Go on.”

“Thanks Missouri.” He laughs and heads upstairs to go into him and Dean’s room.

He wanders into the en-suite, finding Dean brushing his teeth. “Yo.” Dean says after spitting the toothpaste out. He puts his toothbrush in the holder.

“Hey.” Cas says, opening the bathroom cabinet.

“It’s weird getting ready at the same time. Usually one of us is downstairs with Jimmy.”

“Missouri’s gonna talk to him. See if she can tell what’s wrong.” Cas switches on his electric razor, getting rid of the longer stubble that built up over night.

“Yeah, I was wondering what was up. He usually loves it when I make characters with his toast.”

“He didn’t even wear his favourite underwear. Y’know, the owl ones?”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he wanted a pull up.” Cas sighs, putting his shaver back in the cupboard.

“I don’t understand. He’s been doin’ good the last couple weeks.” Dean shakes his head, lifting the toilet seat up.

“Yeah, I don’t get it either.” Cas sighs, brushing his teeth. Dean flushes the toilet and washes his hands, leaving the water running so Cas can wash his toothbrush off.

They switch places and Dean starts spiking his hair up in the mirror while Cas uses the toilet.

Once Cas has tidied his hair up too after a few minutes of silence between them, he feels Dean’s hands on his waist, turning him around.

“Hey.” His boyfriend says gently. Cas knows what he’s going to say before the words leave his mouth. He looks down when Dean starts speaking. “Cas, about what happened last night…it’s not a big deal, okay?”

Cas looks to the side to avoid eye contact, feeling embarrassed. “I…I don’t know why…”

“It’s just the concussion thing. Or maybe you were tired, or even nervous about going back to work today or something. First day back at work after three weeks, that’s gotta feel weird, right?” Dean suggests. Cas continues to avoid eye contact, but Dean cups his cheek and moves his head straight to look into his eyes.

“Maybe…I guess? I’m sorry though…we were gonna have a good time and I ruined it.” He sighs. He’s more annoyed with himself than anything. The one night when he and Dean felt awake enough to have sex and he…he couldn’t…

“Cas, don’t say that. We still had a good night. We’ll just keep trying until you get your mojo back. You never know, you might not have managed to get one last night but you might get a surprise boner sometime random. Like at work – well, hopefully anyway. Because then I’ll be around to _take care of it_.”

Cas rolls his eyes, a smile breaking across his face. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Dean smiles. “Seriously, don’t worry. It’s just while you get back on your feet after the concussion. I’m sure it is.”

Cas wraps his arms around Dean and pulls him into a loving hug. “I love you.”

“Love you too.” Dean kisses his neck before pulling away. “We better get dressed before Missouri thinks we’re up to no good.”

“I almost wish we were.” Cas chuckles. “Especially after last night.”

Dean shoots him an amused look “trust me, we’ll make up for lost time when you can get hard again. You can take _that_ to the bank.”

“I’ll take you up on that when the time is right. Don’t you worry.” Cas assures him.

“Got it, Novak.”

Cas swats Dean before leaving the bathroom to find his suit. Dean laughs at him.

* * *

“Jimmy.” Cas crouches in front of his son before he runs off across the room at day care. “Is there something bothering you?” After Missouri was unable to find out what was up, Cas is even more curious as to what could possibly be wrong with Jimmy.

“No daddy.” Jimmy replies, blue eyes fixed on him.

“Just one of those days, you think?”

“Yeah.” Jimmy agrees and Cas nods. _Okay_.

“Alright, well have a good day. You can tell me all about it later. Me and Dean will pick you up normal time.” Cas hugs Jimmy who hugs back tight as he can. “Tell James if something’s wrong, yeah?”

“Okay. Love daddy.”

“Love you too. See you later.” Cas smiles, watching Jimmy walk over to Chrissie.

Cas leaves and heads back outside to the car.

“He okay?” Dean questions as he pulls out of the parking lot.

“Yeah. Maybe it’s nothing. He might just be tired after talking to Missouri so much last night.”

“Yeah, could be. We’ll see if he’s perked up later. It could even be that he’s going through a little mood swing again. Remember, a few weeks ago when he was similar to this?”

“Yeah. Hopefully he’s fine.”

* * *

“Dunder Mifflin, this is Cas.” Cas answers the phone for the first time in a while.

“Oh, hi Cas, it’s David. Would you mind taking a look at Michael’s schedule? I’m in town and I was wondering if he’s free any time today.”

Cas opens the timetable on his computer “uh yeah, he’s free until four today. He has a-” Cas frowns “a _‘business yoga class’_.”

David sighs at the randomness of the schedule. “Okay, I should get in at twelve ish. Tell Michael I want to discuss the new health care policies the company just put in place.”

“Will do David.”

“Thanks Cas.”

Cas hangs up the phone and glances over at Dean who is chatting to Dwight.

Meredith approaches his desk, a smile on her face. “Hey Cas, it’s-”

“I would like to kindly decline your offer, Meredith.” Cas tells her.

“Got it.” She nods before wandering off.

She’s been going around most of the guys asking if they want to hook up. Cas had been told by several of the guys just to say no. _Obviously._

He takes a sip of water like his doctor instructed him to do – _keep hydrated,_ she’d said – but it doesn’t stop him from getting dizzy nearly every time he stands up. It’s not ideal.

“Okay, everyone!” Dwight shouts across the room. “I am not invisible. Dean is being an idiot. I would like everyone who can see me to please raise their hand.”

Angela is the only one who raises her hand. Everyone else either doesn’t care or is playing along with the joke.

“Can anyone hear that noise? Or is it something screeching outside, I can’t-” Dean gestures to his ear.

“Hey, wasn’t Dwight supposed to be in today? I thought he never missed a day, but I haven’t seen him anywhere.” Andy plays along, looking over towards Dwight with a dead stare as if he is looking through him.

“Can’t you see I’m right here?!”

Dwight’s level of frustration increases until he shouts “Michael!” and bursts into the boss’ office.

Dean looks over at Cas in amusement and Cas gives him a thumbs up.

It’s usually a drag spending eight hours a day here, but he does enjoy the entertainment.

* * *

**12:17**

Cas eats another potato chip, hitting send on his text to Dean before putting his phone down and talking to Phyllis. They’re the only ones in the break room.

“Texting Dean?” She asks.

“Yeah. Just checking in on how his sales pitch is going.”

“It’s the Scranton White Pages, right? That’s a big one.”

“Yeah. He didn’t say anything but I think he was a little nervous. He’s been there since eleven so I’m just seeing if all’s going to plan.”

“How’s Jimmy?”

“Yeah he’s doing good. We’re fairly close to cracking the potty training now.”

“Aww that’s great. How was it having three weeks of sick days?” She chuckles. He smiles.

“Not as good as you think. Although I didn’t have to use sick days because it was a signed letter from my doctor so…free time off I guess. But yeah, it wasn’t that fun. I had to get lots of rest and my ribs have been aching all this time.” His smile weakens when he remembers the sheer pain of the fall he took. One of his hands curls around his torso at the memory. He continues “but I’ve been able to pick Jimmy up from day care earlier than usual. He’s enjoyed spending more time with me. I’m thinking that’s why he was acting kinda weird this morning.”

“Oh?” Phyllis sips her coffee.

“Yeah, he was-” Cas pauses. His phone is buzzing on the table. He sees the caller ID and sighs, lowering his head into his hands. “Speak of the devil.”

He takes the phone and looks up at Phyllis guiltily. “Sorry, I have to take this.”

He answers the call and holds the phone up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hi Cas.”

“Hey Nancy, is everything okay?”

“Well, yeah, we’re not sure. We were just wondering if Jimmy’s still on his regular nap schedule? Or if he was up late last night or something?”

“No, it’s all the same. Nothing’s changed. How come?”

Nancy sighs. “It’s just that he’s been sleeping nearly all morning on the bean bags; pretty much since he got here. We’ve woken him up a few times to have a drink, but he won’t eat anything. Not even at lunch.”

“Uh, okay, what about his pull up? Has he used it or been to the toilet or…?”

“He used the pull up he was wearing an hour or so ago, but only a little bit. It wasn’t much. We changed him anyway, but we thought we should call you just to see if he was okay last night.”

“Yeah he was okay last night, I can only think of this morning. He was quiet this morning and didn’t really eat much. You said you managed to get him to have a drink?”

“We gave him his juice in his bottle and he’s nearly drank it all. He’s usually been to the bathroom at least once by now usually so we’re making sure he keeps drinking in case he’s dehydrated for some reason.”

“Do you think I need to come and get him?” Cas runs his hand up and down his face. “I don’t really know what to do.”

“Well, I mean, he’s been telling us he’s okay when we’ve been waking him up to drink but I don’t know if he really is or not. James is sitting with him right now. And Chrissie’s been talking to him even though he’s been asleep. It’s quite sweet actually.”

Cas smiles. God he just wants Jimmy to be okay. He just wants everything to be okay. But it’s not looking like that somehow.

“Uhm…okay, I think I’ll at least come and see if I can talk to him again. If it turns out that there _is_ something wrong, I’ll take him home. I just have to see if I can leave work. Uhm, yeah. I’ll try.”

“Okay Cas. See you soon.”

“Thanks Nancy. See ya.”

Cas hangs up, plops his phone down on the table and rests his head on his folded arms with a sigh.

“You okay, flower?” Phyllis places her hand on his arm.

Cas raises his head. “I need to leave. Again.” He sighs. “I…I have like one vacation day left. If Jimmy’s sick, I’m gonna have to stay at home with him for a couple of days probably, but I don’t really have any time off so…I don’t know what to do. I just had three weeks off too – it’s really not gonna go down well.”

“I thought you’d have more vacation days than that?”

“I started in September, I only got a few vacation days.”

“What about Dean? Can he stay at home with him?”

“Not really. He has important sales meetings all week pretty much.”

“Go talk to Michael. See if there’s anything he can do for you?”

“Oh god.” Cas whines. “He’s in a meeting with David Wallace. What am I gonna do? Just go in and be like _hey Michael, hey CFO, I don’t have much time left off but can I leave right now and maybe have the next few days as well?”_ Cas lowers his head into his hands again.

“It’ll be fine. Just go in there and explain. David likes you.” Phyllis’ words admittedly reassure him a little. He groans as he stands up slowly, taking his time so he doesn’t get too dizzy. He scrunches his eyes for a moment until it recedes.

“Do you need a hand?” Phyllis asks, seeming ready to help steady him.

“I think I’m okay now. But thank you.” He nods, taking a deep breath. “I’m gonna get myself fired.”

“Don’t be silly, David will understand. He has a son too, you know.”

Cas nods, giving Phyllis a one-armed hug. “Thanks, Phyll. Wish me luck.”

“You’ll be fine.” She smiles and he leaves, taking a deep breath as he walks through the kitchen area.

As soon as he reaches the door to Michael’s office, his confidence seems to seep away, but thoughts of Jimmy sleeping on the bean bags – possibly feeling unwell – brings his hand up to the door and makes him give three big knocks.

“Come in.” He hears David call through the door. He tries to swallow around the nervous lump in his throat.

“Uh…” he forgets what he was going to say the moment he steps inside.

“Oh, hi Cas. Something we can do for you?” David smiles.

“I was wondering if I could, uhm, talk to Michael.” Cas tugs at his collar.

“Oh, no, it’s fine, go ahead.” David gestures to Michael.

“Castielll what can the boss man do for you?” The man himself asks and Cas glances between the both of them.

“Uhm, well, my son…he…daycare just called me and they said he might be unwell-”

“Jimmy?” Michael asks, concern crossing his face.

“Uh, yeah. He was quiet this morning and apparently he isn’t doing too great right now.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Cas. Do you need to leave?” David questions.

“Well…that’s kind of the problem…I don’t…” Cas has to power through the sentence, despite David’s waiting gaze “I don’t have any days left…just a few hours…” Cas clears his throat. “I’m sorry, it’s just…it’s been hard since he was sick last time and then I was in the hospital and…uhm sorry, I’ll go….”

Cas starts to retreat from the room. David stands up, following Cas out.

“Cas, join me in the conference room.” David says, opening the door. “Let’s talk.”

Cas swallows and follows David into the conference room. They sit down opposite each other. Cas wipes his hands on his pants when he realises he’s sweating. Just a little.

“Cas, you just got back from sick leave today, right?”

“Yes.”

David looks him up and down. “Look, from one father to another, I know it’s difficult. Especially on your own. You have Dean of course, but it still feels like a lot?”

Cas has the urge to look down at his hands, but keeps his head up. “That’s right.” He sighs. “I shouldn’t be asking for this much time off David, really, I’ve only been at the company for a few months and I’m just a receptionist. Um…yeah, I’m sorry.”

“Cas, it’s- okay, I’ll be honest, it’s not ideal _but_ I know you’re a good employee. I’ve seen the work you’ve done, Michael always says that the branch feedback from clients is mostly about you being helpful on the phone. I know you’re liked by everyone here. I’m willing to make things work for you.”

“You don’t have to do that David.” Cas can’t quite believe it. The CFO – the _CFO_ is helping him _personally_. How on earth is he worth David’s time?

“No, come on. I understand what you’re going through. I don’t want to lose you as an employee because” David laughs “yeah, you’re good at your job.”

“Thank you. Really.”

“You’re good on reception, but I’ll see if I can find some jobs for you to do at home – corporate jobs, just small ones. Maybe I can fix you up with that until you’re ready to come back full time. Or even part time.”

Cas is speechless. David is being so nice to him. “David, I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s fine. I’ll sort this out for you.”

Cas clears his throat. “If you don’t mind me asking, uh, why? Why are you helping? I thought I was going to be fired.”

David shakes his head. “I wouldn’t fire you. Not over this. And, I’m helping because I know it’s not easy to work for Michael, you’re relatively young with a kid, we both know being a receptionist isn’t exactly the job everyone dreams of, and yet, you still complete your work to the standard you do. I think you deserve some help.”

“Thank you. Again. Thank you so much. I’ll do any job you give me quite happily. I appreciate your time.”

“It’s okay.” David smiles and holds his hand up in modesty. “Look, do you think you’ll be free tonight?”

“Should be, yeah.”

“I’ll skype call you and we can discuss the details. I should be able to set you up with this within the next couple of days if nothing crops up. We just had to let someone at corporate go you see, so it’s an ideal time to fill in this work-at-home job.”

Cas really has no words now. None at all.

David laughs and stands up, holding his hand out. “Deal?”

Cas shakes his hand “deal.”

“Good. Now, go see your son, take the rest of the day. I’ll discuss details with you tonight. Sound like a good plan?”

“Yes. I’m very grateful for this David.”

“My pleasure.”

They exit the room and David gives him a pat on the shoulder before returning to Michaels office.

Cas stands still for a while, just trying to process what in god’s name just happened. _Holy fuck._

* * *

“Hey Dean, I’m at the daycare again. Turns out Jimmy isn’t doing so good after all. Oh, and I have something to tell you. I had a meeting with David Wallace. Uhm…yeah, speak later. Love you.” He hangs up the phone. Dean’s mobile went to voicemail so Cas assumes he’s in the meeting.

Because him and Dean carpool now, he watches the taxi he used drive away and walks the familiar way to the entrance of the day care. He says hi to the ladies at reception once again and is let into the main room by Nancy.

“How is he now?” He questions.

“About the same. We noticed he’s coughing a little bit while he’s awake. Nothing bad, but it’s definitely there.”

Cas nods. Jimmy _must_ be sick or something.

They approach the bean bag area and there he is; Jimmy is lying on a bean bag fast asleep just like Cas had imagined.

“Has he used his pull up again?”

Nancy shakes her head.

“Jimmy’s dad?” Chrissie walks over to him, brown eyes staring up at him.

“Yeah Chrissie?” Cas crouches down in front of the other little boy.

“Is Jimmy okay?”

“He might not be very well. We’re not sure.”

Chrissie nods, shifting his feet. “When…when you left he said that…I think…he said he was feeling…uh…tired. An’ that he wanted to go back to bed.”

“Yeah? Did he say anything else?”

“That he felt bad, I mean…uh, sick so he wanted you to come back.”

Cas nods. “Okay. Thanks Chrissie.”

“Chrissie, go eat your food so you’ll be all done and ready for story time.” James says from his position next to Jimmy.

“Okay!” He runs off towards the other kids sitting at the tables in the far corner eating lunch.

Cas goes over to Jimmy, kneeling down next to where he’s sleeping. “Jimmy?” He strokes his son’s hair slowly, rousing him from sleep. “Hey.”

Jimmy watches him for a second or two before moving to wrap his arms around Cas. “Daddy.”

“Yeah, I’m here.” He helps Jimmy into his arms completely. “You okay?”

Jimmy doesn’t reply, instead tucking his head against Cas’ neck.

“You not feeling very well?”

All Cas gets is a head shake. He feels Jimmy’s forehead, and at that, it’s endgame. _Warm_.

Jimmy starts to sniffle, a couple of tears making their way down his cheeks.

“Okay. Okay. Don’t worry.” Cas carries on stroking his hair, looking up at Nancy and James. “Would you mind getting his stuff? I’ll take him home.”

“Yeah, no problem.” Nancy gives a sympathetic smile and walks away to the coat room.

“I’ll go start on signing him out.” James stands up, going to reception leaving Cas and Jimmy alone.

Cas repositions Jimmy in his lap so he can see his face. “Hey. Sshh, it’s alright. We’re going home. We’re going home.”

Jimmy nods, coughing a little. Cas wonders if he’s getting a cold maybe. He’ll probably figure out what it is when they get home.

“Do you need the toilet before we go?” Cas murmurs, feeling Jimmy falling asleep again.

“No.”

“Are you sure? Why don’t you try?” Cas asks just as Nancy returns with Jimmy’s coat and his bag.

“Here.” She puts them down next to Cas.

“Thanks. I think I’m gonna take him to the toilet. Are they through there?” Cas points at the doorway across the room.

“Yeah that’s it.”

Cas nods and smiles, carrying Jimmy over and through the door into the bathroom. Jimmy whines. Cas knows what it is. He’s warm and he doesn’t want to take his pants off but it might save him from getting a wet pull up so it’ll be worth it.

“I know, I know.” Cas stands him on the floor. “You may as well try though, yeah?”

Jimmy finally lets go of him and lets Cas pull his pants and his pull up down. He lifts Jimmy onto one of the toilets, keeping him steady. Honestly, Jimmy looks like he could fall asleep right there. Cas feels a little guilty, but it might mean he won’t have to clean Jimmy _and_ change him when they get home. This way he might be able to just swap the old pull up out for a clean pull up even if it’s dry, then get him straight into his pyjamas.

“There, I knew you could do it, baby.” Cas says softly when Jimmy manages to go. “I’m proud of you.” He lifts Jimmy off and smiles, pulling his son’s clothes back up. “Good boy.”

Cas stands up and flushes the toilet, glancing inside. “I’m going to get you a big drink at home, yeah? You’re dehydrated.” Cas has no idea how that happened. He always gives Jimmy plenty to drink. _Always_.

“…what that mean?” Jimmy mumbles as Cas helps him wash his hands at the pint-sized sink.

“It means that your body doesn’t have enough water.”

“How you know?”

Cas lifts Jimmy into his arms. “You usually know when you don’t need to pee for a long time. And when you do, it’s a darker colour than usual.”

“Is that me?” Jimmy mumbles sleepily, snuggling against Cas.

“Yeah. That’s why I’m giving you a big glass of water when we get home.”

“Mkay.”

Cas smiles and rolls his eyes fondly. Only his son would want a biology lesson when he’s feeling unwell. _Of course_. Clearly another random quirk; an interest in science when sick.

He should note that down.

* * *

_“Cas, what happened?”_ Dean asks on the phone while Cas unlocks the front door.

Cas ushers Jimmy inside gently since he’s dragging his feet. Cas has only just woken him up because he slept on the drive home. “That’s it Jimmy.” He tells his son, getting them both inside before replying to Dean. “Sorry, I was just getting us through the door.”

_“It’s okay. I’m sorry though, I only just got your voicemail.”_

“No it’s fine. I knew you might have been in the meeting.” Cas dumps their bags next to the door. “Jimmy’s been asleep all morning and he’s dehydrated. I don’t know why but…yeah. Daycare called me so I thought I’d check on him and his forehead’s warm so I brought him home.”

He tells Dean a brief summary of everything that’s happened too.

_“Okay, well, I’m nearly finished up here so I’ll drop in on my way back to the office. And you can tell me about what happened with David?”_

“Yeah, sounds good. See you later.”

_“Cool. Love ya Cas.”_

“You too.”

Cas hangs up and slides his phone into his pocket, looking at Jimmy who is now sitting on the floor. “Come on, let’s get you into your pyjamas.” He lifts him into his arms and heads upstairs to Jimmy’s room.

“Sleep.” Jimmy mumbles, rubbing his eyes as Cas sets him down.

“I know. You can sleep soon but we’ll get you comfy first, yeah?”

Jimmy nods and lets Cas help him change out of his clothes, into a fresh pull-up and his fuzzy pyjamas.

“There.” Cas smiles reassuringly and kneels in front of Jimmy, running his thumb along the little boy’s cheek. “Oh baby, you’re all pale. Are you feeling worse than this morning?”

He gets a nod, and that’s it. Jimmy turns around and wanders over to the bed, grabbing his blanket and his teddy bear.

“Jimmy, do you want to stay up here and sleep in your bed?” Cas asks him.

With a moment of thought, Jimmy turns to him, clutching his teddy bear tightly. “Bed?” His voice is a little croaky too.

“That’s fine. Hey” Cas lifts Jimmy into bed and strokes his hair “you stay up here and I’ll go get a drink and your pacifier, and then I’ll stay with you while you fall asleep. Sound good?”

Jimmy nods, snuggling under the blankets on his bed.

Cas smiles and leaves the room, heading downstairs to refill Jimmy’s water bottle. He locks the front door and turns the heating up a tad before going through their bags to find Jimmy’s pacifier. He finds a little box of raisins too which Jimmy was supposed to eat at lunch and decides he’ll take those up along with some buttered crackers. Cas makes himself a cup of coffee too before taking it all upstairs.

Cas gives Jimmy his drink first. “Try and drink half of that for me, okay?”

“Okay.”

Cas puts the plate with the crackers on the bed. Jimmy picks one up and nibbles at it while Cas puts his mug of coffee on the bedside table. “I’ll be back in a second. Just gonna get changed.”

Cas leaves the room and goes into his own room, finding his pajama pants and a sweater. He puts them on, savoring the feeling of not having stiff work clothes on for a moment. He sighs and quickly uses the bathroom then finally goes back to Jimmy’s room, climbing into bed beside his son.

Jimmy has drank nearly half the bottle which satisfies Cas for now. He moves the crackers as well, knowing Jimmy has eaten one. “Want any more?” He asks, but Jimmy shakes his head.

Cas hands Jimmy his pacifier and he seems grateful for something comforting to concentrate on. He climbs into Cas’ arms under the covers and snuggles against him, closing his eyes. He coughs a little bit then goes still.

Cas finds that Jimmy falls asleep in a matter of minutes.

* * *

Cas is roused from a _staring-at-wall_ daze when his phone buzzes. He unlocks it and sees that it’s been half an hour since Jimmy fell asleep. There’s also a text from Dean.

**_Dean:_ ** _you upstairs?_

**_Cas:_ ** _Yeah, Jimmy’s room._

Cas soon hears footsteps on the stairs and a few moments later, Dean emerges through the door. “Hey.” He whispers, seeing Jimmy fast asleep in Cas’ arms.

“Hey.”

Dean walks over and presses a kiss to Cas’ lips before kneeling down by the side of the bed. “How long have you been here?”

“About half an hour.” Cas whispers back. “I was just gonna stay until he fell asleep but I couldn’t bring myself to leave him.”

Dean nods, looking at Jimmy tucked up in Cas’ arms. “He definitely looks worse than this morning.”

“Yeah, it’s like it’s come on all at once. Like, sure, he’s been a bit sniffly for a few days but not like this. He’s been coughing a little bit too.”

“Think it’s just a cold?” Dean reaches over to stroke Jimmy’s hair.

“I hope so. I don’t want it to be anything worse.”

“Yeah me too.” Dean hums. “I wish I could stay.”

“Don’t worry. It’s nearly half three now, you’ll probably only be at work for an hour-ish before you’re coming home again.”

“Yeah good point.” Dean smiles softly. “I should go. Anything we need from the store? I don’t mind stopping off on my way home.”

“Uhm…” Cas wonders “maybe some more pull ups. I don’t know whether he’s going to need them while he’s sick, but just to be safe. And some kids paracetamol? That’s all I can think of.”

“Okay cool. I think I’ll get some more of those potato chips we like as well.”

“Ooo the sour cream ones?”

“Yup.” Dean laughs quietly. “I always know when you like something because it’s all been eaten within like three days.”

“Guilty.” Cas shrugs.

Dean gives him another smile “do you want anything else? Chocolate orr?”

“I’m good thanks.”

“Awh come on, you know you want to. I’ll share one of those gold foil reindeers with you?”

“Go on then.”

“Awesome.”

“You’re a bad influence.”

“And proud. See ya later.”

“Bye.” Cas laughs, happy that they haven’t woken Jimmy up. Must be a pretty deep sleep.

* * *

Cas realises he had fallen asleep when he feels Jimmy moving in his arms. He opens his eyes, looking down at Jimmy.

“Jimmy?” He asks, his voice deep from sleep.

“Downstairs.” Jimmy says, eyes wide. Cas sees that his face is even paler and he just looks generally poorly.

Cas listens out and hears the door close, then a load of rustling about. “It’s Dean. Dean’s home.” Cas helps Jimmy out from the tangle of blankets, trying to wake up a little bit. “How are you feeling?”

Jimmy shrugs, coughing a couple of times. “Not…not very good daddy.” He messes with husky in his hands. His nose starts running so Cas gets a tissue from his pocket.

“Here.” He holds the tissue against Jimmy’s nose. “Blow.” Jimmy does as instructed and seems to be able to breathe a little better through his nose. “Wanna go downstairs and see Dean?”

Jimmy nods, wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck. Cas lifts him out of bed, walking across the room. He appreciates the feeling of his legs stretching after sitting in one position for a while.

“Hey guys.” Dean smiles when Cas emerges from the hallway. Cas watches Dean put away all the stuff he bought.

“Hi.” Cas smiles, giving Dean a quick kiss before they both look at Jimmy.

“Hey buddy, how ya feeling?” Dean leans down to be eye level with Jimmy.

“Cold.”

“Oh, well we can fix that.” Dean nods, going into the living room to grab a blanket from the back of the couch. When he returns, both him and Dean wrap Jimmy up in it.

“Better?” Cas asks and Jimmy nods. He’s really not very talkative.

“Is your tummy okay? If it is, I can warm some milk up for you.” Dean says as he strokes the boy’s hair.

“Yeah, your tummy’s alright isn’t it?” Cas asks.

“Yeah.” Jimmy agrees.

“Awesome.” Dean opens the fridge to get the milk.

Soon the three of them are sitting in the living room. Jimmy drinks his milk happily while Cas chats to Dean about his chat with David Wallace.

“Yeah, I thought he was going to fire me but no, he was offering a job I can do at home for a while.” Cas shakes his head in disbelief.

“That’s lucky, man. How you feelin’ about it? You gonna take him up on it?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’ve just got to hope the work he wants me to do isn’t too hard.”

“He’ll probably explain what you need to do when you chat to him tonight.” Dean huffs in amusement. “I really _cannot_ believe David’s doing this. You must be really special.”

Cas rolls his eyes. “You jealous, Winchester?”

“Pfft, no.” Dean frowns, but breaks into a chuckle. “Yes. Wish I could get some special recognition from the CFO.”

“Sit in on the Skype call, then he’ll _have_ to notice you.”

“Who knows, maybe I will.” Dean shrugs and Cas nods. “Or I’ll be standing directly behind the computer screen trying to make you laugh.”

“Don’t even think about it.” Cas rolls his eyes.

Their attention is drawn to Jimmy when he starts coughing. At first they sit still, waiting for it to stop, but he carries on.

“Buddy?” Dean frowns, sitting up. Cas straightens as well.

“I’ll sit him up, get the milk.” Cas decides and Dean takes the milk from Jimmy’s hand to put down on the coffee table.

Cas lifts Jimmy up so he’s sitting with a straight back, hoping it might help with the coughing. It does a little bit.

“Is he choking?” Dean wonders in slight alarm.

“No, I don’t think so.” Cas frowns, more than ready to hit Jimmy on the back if needed. But he hasn’t been eating anything, so doing anything to do with Heimlich might not be very useful.

Dean rubs Jimmy’s back and the coughing eventually subsides, all of them glad that it has.

There are tears in Jimmy’s eyes, and the little boy has a frown on his face despite the coughing being over.

“Jimmy?” Cas speaks to the little boy facing him, sitting on his lap silently.

“Buddy, are you okay?” Dean’s voice is thick with concern. “Can you talk to us, baby?”

Jimmy glances over at him, not saying a word. Dean is still rubbing his back, but Jimmy doesn’t respond. He just breathes heavily until suddenly he’s sick. Sick right down Cas’ front. The tears in his eyes start rolling down his face while Cas sits there in a moment of shock, still as if he were a statue. He wasn’t expecting that, but he concludes the coughing may have caused it.

Dean looks over at him too, but they don’t have time to react properly before Jimmy is sick again. Cas just powers through it, letting it happen. He puts his hands on either side of Jimmy’s waist to hold him steady.

“Don’t worry, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He reassures his son, trying not to think of the thrown-up milk soaking into his clothes. At the end of the day, it’s only vomit. It won’t kill him.

Jimmy’s sick once more before he relaxes a little, seeming done for now. He breaks out into tears completely.

Dean lifts him off Cas’ lap immediately, holding on to him gently. Cas looks over at them to see Dean looking at him.

“Go, Cas. I’ll sort him out. It’s okay.” He says and Cas finds himself nodding, carefully standing up. He shoots a quick glance at where he was sitting on the couch.

“Looks like a was a sufficient vomit shield for the couch, anyway.” He says and Dean chuckles a little bit before going back to comforting Jimmy.

Cas strokes Jimmy’s hair before leaving the room, going upstairs and stepping straight into the shower in his soiled clothes.

* * *

“Okay buddy. Okay. Don’t worry.” Dean says, holding on to Jimmy, trying to stop the tears. He’s thinking that maybe Jimmy’s more shocked than anything. It all happened so fast.

He knows Cas wasn’t too bothered about being covered in vomit, but he’d definitely paled slightly when it happened. Dean will check up on him later, but for now he has Jimmy to calm down.

“Hey, daddy isn’t mad you know. He’s not mad.” Dean stops himself from bouncing the little boy on his knee. _Not the best thing to be doing right now, Dean._

“Sick.” Jimmy whispers and Dean looks around quickly to find something suitable. He spots the bowl on the table from last night where they’d had potato chips. He grabs it and tips out the crumbs before turning Jimmy around on his lap and holding the bowl in front of him.

“There we go. You gonna be sick again?” Dean asks him and he nods, staring down into the bowl.

Dean continues, rubbing Jimmy’s back. “Hey, once you get this out, you’ll feel tonnes better. I promise.” He tries to soothe Jimmy as much as he can. “Don’t worry. It’s gonna be over before you know it and then you can relax again with me and daddy.”

Jimmy goes tense and is sick into the bowl. Dean is glad he doesn’t have to suffer through it for long. “That’s it buddy. That’s it. That feels good, yeah?” Jimmy manages a nod. “It’s alright. It’s alright.” Dean continues comforting Jimmy until he finishes and goes completely lax, exhausted. He coughs up a little more until he’s completely done and Dean can move the bowl away.

Jimmy takes a while to get his breath back. Dean holds him close and murmurs comfort to him until he stops crying and relaxes against his chest.

Jimmy turns around slightly and pushes his head against Dean, snuggling up to him.

“You feeling better?”

Jimmy nods, staying silent. Dean assumes he’s recovering from the shock and they sit there for a good five minutes in silence, until Jimmy speaks quietly. “I peed.”

“Okay. Come on, I’ll get ya cleaned up. Don’t worry.” Dean stands up with Jimmy, holding him close as he walks to the bathroom.

“Daddy’s not mad?” Jimmy frowns as Dean puts him down on the floor.

“No, course not.” Dean shakes his head, helping Jimmy out of his stuff. “He’s just gotta clean up a bit.”

Jimmy stays quiet while Dean cleans him up and helps him into a clean pull up.

“Anyway. How you feelin’ buddy?”

“Weird. Like a cold but, uhm, a bad cold. And all coughy.”

“Is that how you felt this morning? Or was it not as bad?” Dean smiles reassuringly, pushing some of Jimmy’s hair off his forehead.

“I was tired an’ I didn’t feel like talking.”

Dean nods, managing to make eye contact with Jimmy. “Earlier on the phone, daddy told me that Chrissie was speaking to him. Did you tell Chrissie that you were feeling sick? And that you wanted daddy to come back?”

Jimmy looks down at his feet, shifting on the spot “…no.”

Dean picks the little boy up carefully and takes him out of the bathroom, carrying him to the kitchen to sit him down on one of the kitchen chairs. Dean crouches down and puts his hands on Jimmy’s knees. “Jimmy, you can tell me. It’s okay.”

Jimmy holds eye contact for a good while. Dean can see he’s thinking and is happy when Jimmy speaks. “I guess…daddy…he been sick since he hurt his head and…didn’t want you or him to be worry that I felt bad…and…that’s why…”

“Buddy?” Dean says softly.

Jimmy looks at him, eyes watery.

“I _promise_ you that no matter what, daddy wants to know if something’s wrong. I _promise_. You can tell me too. Either of us, in fact. If _anything_ is bothering you, we wanna know. We do. No matter what’s going on with me or daddy, we _always_ want you to be okay. Yeah?”

A couple of tears roll down Jimmy’s cheeks. Dean wipes them away with his thumbs, maintaining his reassuring smile.

“Sorry I didn’t say how I- how I was feeling, papa.”

Dean blinks, his smile faltering. _What did he just say?_ Dean feels his heart beat a little faster. _Jimmy just called me papa._ He searches Jimmy’s face for a second, seeing no change in his expression at all, like he hadn’t just said the most moving thing Dean has ever heard.

 _Don’t make a big deal out of it. Don’t. Because then Jimmy might think he said the wrong thing_.

Despite his decision to turn a blind eye to it, he feels himself gushing with happiness. _Papa. Jimmy called me papa._ He never thought something so small could make him so happy but…man, he’s feeling super emotional about this. He can’t wait to tell Cas.

Dean clicks back in to the conversation, smiling. “It’s absolutely fine. I just need you to understand that no matter what, we want to know if anything – _anything_ – is wrong. We love you very much, and even if it’s something as small as feeling a bit off, me and daddy care. Okay buddy?”

A little smile breaks across Jimmy’s face. “Okay.”

“Good man.” Dean stands up and lifts Jimmy up, taking him to the couch in the living room. “Okay, will you be okay for a couple of minutes? Just while I clean the bowl up?”

Jimmy nods, so Dean gives him his pacifier and covers him with his blanket before taking the bowl to the bathroom to get rid of its contents. He leaves the empty bowl in the bath for now. He’s just leaving the bathroom when he hears Cas coming down the stairs.

Cas sees him and is startled when Dean lunges at him, enveloping him in a tight hug. He holds Cas in place, burying his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder with a huge smile. Cas relaxes from the surprise and hugs him back just as tight.

“Hey, you okay?” Cas murmurs in a mix of worry and confusion.

Dean’s smile widens and he feels a chuckle working its way out of him. He squeezes Cas in the hug before pulling away. He glances inside the living room to make sure Jimmy isn’t listening then pulls the door to.

Cas looks _so_ confused when he turns around.

He takes Cas’ hands. “Cas, he…” Dean takes a few breaths, easing the emotional lump in his throat “he called me papa.”

He stares into Cas’ eyes as he takes in the information. Dean sees the moment the joy hits Cas. His eyes lighten up and a huge smile breaks across his face. “Really?”

“Yeah.” Dean laughs, hugging Cas again. “I’m so happy, Cas. I’m so happy.”

Dean feels Cas running his fingers through the hair at the back of his head. “I’m happy too.” Cas says in excitement, moving his head to kiss Dean.

They stand there sharing a kiss for a few moments. It’s emotional and Dean feels some of the tension in Cas’ muscles release; just like that. He must have needed something positive after worrying about Jimmy all day.

Cas pulls away for air and presses his forehead against Dean’s, both of them breathing deeply. “I love you, Cas.”

Cas presses another few kisses to his lips before wrapping his arms around Dean for another hug. “I love you too.”

Dean savors the hug, enjoying the feel of their arms wrapped around each other.

They pull away, exchanging soft smiles.

“I’m guessing it’ll be a one time thing for now, but he definitely said it.” Dean decides.

“Yeah, it might take him a while to get used to calling you that but…” Cas smiles again, delighted “it might sound cheesy but…welcome to the family?”

Cas is nearly knocked over when Dean tackles him with the biggest, tightest hug of his life.


	2. Chapter 2

“Hi David.” Cas greets the CFO who connects in to the Skype call. He’s admittedly a little nervous.

“Hi Cas, how’s it going.” David readjusts his laptop so the top of his head isn’t cut out of the screen.

“Good thanks. You?” Jimmy is sleeping against his chest and starts to slip so he hitches him up gently.

“I’m great thank you.”

“Uhm, he’s asleep, but this is my son, Jimmy.” He gestures with his free hand to Jimmy. David smiles nodding.

“I hope he gets better soon, Cas.”

“Thanks, me too.” He nods, looking over into the kitchen when Dean drops a pan or something. Dean mouths _sorry_ over to him before smiling and getting back to making pasta. “Sorry, Dean’s being clumsy.”

David laughs at that and it eases some of the awkwardness Cas is feeling right now. It’s weird to be this, how does he put it? This… _domestically revealing_. Mixing his work and personal life is weirding him out and he doesn’t know why.

“Are you sure this working at home thing is okay? I understand if you’ve changed your mind.” Cas admits. He doesn’t mind talking to David but he feels awkward beyond belief.

“It’s fine Cas. It didn’t take as long to set this up for you as I thought. I got in touch with Toby in HR and he’s sorted a temporary receptionist to cover the time you need off. And I emailed one of my colleagues about the corporate work and she’ll be emailing over the documents you need to get you started. You may have guessed, but it doesn’t pay as much as working as a receptionist but I assumed you’d be okay with that?”

“Yeah, no problem. Thank you David. So much.”

“Ah, no worries. I hope this arrangement is okay for you?”

“It’s great David. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?” He wonders. He still hasn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact that David is helping him personally.

“Consider it a favour.” David smiles. “You should receive the email tomorrow morning from a _Melanie Chase_ , and the documents will lead you to a website where people upload documents which need completing. If there’s any issues, email her back with your questions. She’ll be happy to help you out.”

“Sounds good.”

“Yeah? Good. That’s all, really. Do you have any questions now orrr?”

“No, I think I got it. Thanks again.”

“My pleasure. Take care, Cas.”

“You too. Bye David.”

He hangs up the call and groans in relief. He’d been nervous about that.

Dean snorts in the kitchen, walking through to the living room. “Sounds like that went well.” He laughs at Cas.

“Yeah apart from the fact that I wanted to die because of the awkward.” Cas sighs, closing his laptop.

Dean shakes his head in amusement. “Did you get the job?”

“Yeah, I’m getting an email tomorrow with information on what I need to do. He said it pays less, but I can go back to work in my own time and…god, I can’t believe how nice he’s being. I’m so grateful. Why is he doing this for me?”

“David’s a good guy. Like, he’s good at business and being professional, but he could obviously see that you need some extra time. That’s why he’s done it.”

Cas nods, standing up carefully with having Jimmy in his arms.

“Think he’ll want anything to eat?” Dean moves closer, putting a hand on Cas’ shoulder as he strokes Jimmy’s hair.

“Maybe. He was only sick because of the coughing so he might have a little bit.” Cas decides. Dean nods.

“Okay. I’ll put some in his bowl. How much do you want?” Dean asks him as they both walk into the kitchen.

Cas looks at the pasta with a creamy tomato sauce. It _does_ look good even though he isn’t feeling particularly hungry. Dean gives him half a plate, knowing that Cas hasn’t been eating much ever since he hit his head. “That’s fine.” Cas smiles, pressing a kiss to Dean’s lips. “Thank you.”

Dean returns the smile and dishes out his own food before they sit down at the table together. Cas nudges Jimmy awake.

“Hey, are you hungry?” He asks Jimmy who shrugs. “Why don’t you eat one or two pieces of this pasta and see if your tummy likes it or not?” Cas gestures to the food in Jimmy’s penguin bowl.

It’s reluctant, but Jimmy nods, picking up his spoon. He gets comfy in Cas’ lap before beginning to eat. It makes Cas happy that he’s eating something.

Cas himself manages to eat a decent amount. Dean’s cooking is always amazing.

* * *

“Do you think we should cancel the vacation?” Dean brings up suddenly before he heads to bed.

Cas frowns. “Hm. I don’t know.”

“Jimmy should be better by then. Surely.” Dean thinks. “And it’ll be good to meet the rest of your family.”

“He might just have a bit of a cough. Coming to think of it, it shouldn’t be too bad after a week or two. We should be fine.”

Cas thinks about the big vacation his entire family are going to in Maine. It used to be a yearly thing, but it stopped when Cas and his brothers had babies, but their kids are grown enough to be able to travel for a vacation without there being too many complications. That’s why they’re going this year and it’ll be Dean’s first time meeting most of his family.

“Cool.” Dean gives him a soft smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just glad I don’t have to worry too much about work.”

“I bet. I’m glad you get some extra time.” Dean nuzzles his hair, pressing more small kisses. “You coming to bed soon?”

“Yeah, I just need to change Jimmy” – who is asleep _again_ – “then I’ll be up.”

“I’ll do it if you want? I’ll get him in bed while you get ready.” Dean says.

“No, it’s okay. Go to bed, you need as much sleep as you can get for tomorrow.” Cas smiles. He knows Dean has another important sales call tomorrow so he wants Dean to be well-rested.

“Alright. See you in a min.”

“See ya.”

They share a loving kiss for a moment or two before Dean leaves the room to go upstairs to bed.

Cas sits there on the couch happily for a minute or two until he forces himself out of his comfy position. Jimmy stirs at the movement and opens his eyes, looking up at Cas in question.

Cas smiles and lifts him up, sitting Jimmy on his hip. “You need a change?”

Jimmy nods, blinking at him. Cas is _so_ glad he managed to eat that pasta with no issues. He’s just glad that Jimmy’s eaten something more than a cracker and some raisins.

Cas takes Jimmy to the bathroom and changes him. Typically, he’s more awake now than he has been all day.

“You’re not tired anymore, are you?” Cas realises when Jimmy doesn’t go back to sleep – he’s wide awake. No one would think it was three hours past his bedtime.

“…no daddy.” Jimmy admits, his voice croaky. Cas takes Jimmy’s hand to lead him out of the bathroom when he’s finished changing him.

_Typical_. _Super typical_. Cas thinks. He should have realised that sleeping all day would mean Jimmy wouldn’t sleep all the way through the night. Crap.

Cas would be otherwise fine with staying up late with Jimmy until he falls asleep, but right now – after the day he’s had – he’s absolutely _exhausted_.

He knows Dean wouldn’t mind staying up with Jimmy but Cas really wants him to get some good rest.

No, Cas will stay up with Jimmy. He doesn’t have to go to work tomorrow so he’ll be fine taking a nap in the day.

He takes Jimmy back to the living room and switches the TV on, finding the baby channel where they literally just show spinning shapes and colors on the screen. He’s pretty sure Jimmy would watch it for hours if he could. It _always_ makes Jimmy sleepy too. He guesses that’s why they play it for babies. The swirly colors and gentle music makes them sleepy.

Jimmy’s loved it since he could sit still. Cas thinks it helps him with his sensory awareness. He gets upset at loud noises and bright, flashing lights. But this? Jimmy _loves_ this.

* * *

Cas wakes with a start, shocking himself out of sleep. It always happens when he knows he shouldn’t fall asleep and then _does_ fall asleep. And then when he wakes up, he suddenly thinks _wake up wake up wake up!_

It turns out that Jimmy is tugging on the leg of his pants. “Daddy?”

Cas clears his throat “yeah baby?”

“I have- I need to go pee pee.” He says, bouncing on his feet.

“Oh okay. Come on then.” Cas stands up, having to take hold of the edge of the couch when he gets dizzy, his vision going black around the edges. It recedes after a few moments and he is able to smile at Jimmy.

He takes Jimmy’s hand and they walk out of the living room together. Cas helps him go to the bathroom and soon they’re back next to the couch.

He sees that Jimmy’s colouring book is open on the floor, and assumes that Jimmy was doing that while he fell asleep.

He looks at his watch – **_2:14am_** – and sees that he had only fallen asleep for around half an hour (that stupid baby programme must have lulled him to sleep after an hour of watching), but he _can’t_ fall asleep again. He can’t leave Jimmy alone. He’ll have to make a big cup of coffee.

“Hey, baby?” He says. Jimmy looks at him in question, _still_ wide awake. “If I fall asleep again just wake me up, okay? I don’t want you to be on your own.”

“Okay daddy.” Jimmy agrees which is followed by a sneeze. Cas kneels down on to the floor and grabs a tissue from the box on the coffee table.

He helps Jimmy blow his nose, noticing that when it’s done, Jimmy takes a deep breath.

Frowning, Cas puts his hand on Jimmy’s back. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jimmy nods, coughing for a few moments.

“Can you breathe okay?” Cas asks in deeper concern.

Jimmy nods again, going back to doing some colouring. Cas feels his forehead and it’s a little warmer than earlier.

_That’s it. I’m DEFINITELY not falling asleep again. Not when he’s this sick._

Cas gets up and goes to make a cup of coffee along with a bottle of water for Jimmy. With a quick glance to see if Jimmy’s watching, he also splashes his face with cold water to wake himself up a bit. It’s not that big a deal, it’s just that he just doesn’t want Jimmy to ask questions.

When he returns, Jimmy is standing next to the couch holding one of his story books. Cas hopes that maybe if he can read Jimmy to sleep, he can take him upstairs to sleep in his and Dean’s bed so Cas will be there if he wakes up.

“You want that one?” Cas questions, getting a nod from Jimmy. “Okay.” He puts the drinks down on the coffee table and sits down. He lifts Jimmy onto his lap. “Have a big drink of this, yeah?” He hands Jimmy the water and grabs his coffee, taking several large gulps.

Cas cuddles up with Jimmy, getting comfortable himself and making sure Jimmy is comfy too.

“Do you want to try and read it? Or do you just want me to read it to you?” Cas asks as he puts his empty cup down. He drank that faster than ever.

Jimmy turns his head into Cas’ chest, mumbling croakily. “You read?”

“Yeah, course I will. Okay.” He opens the cover of the cardboard book and begins reading the story about the giraffe who lost his parents.

Cas reads the full story, hoping that by the time he has reached the end, Jimmy will have fallen asleep. But alas, when he slowly looks down at the end of the story, Jimmy is still awake.

“Still not tired?”

Jimmy shakes his head.

Cas only just realises that Dean never came down wondering where Cas was and why he didn’t come up to bed. He must have fallen asleep up there.

On the up side, after drinking that whole cup of coffee, he feels more energized now.

“Do I have a mommy?” Jimmy asks quietly. Cas is filled with a rush of panic at the question, but manages to calm himself down. He knows that Jimmy’s at the age where he’s starting to ask questions and he has a few mental pointers of how to go about this, but…it’s hard to do this for real.

Cas realises he’s been silent for a while. “What makes you ask that?”

Jimmy coughs before replying. “Chrissie talks about his mommy and his daddy. And his mommy spoke to me once and…I don’t understand because…because you’re daddy and Dean is, um, Dean.” He confesses.

Cas is silent again, trying to piece together his words in his head. He doesn’t want to say the wrong thing or say something that upsets Jimmy, or even confuse him more.

“Uhm…well, Jimmy, it’s nothing to be confused about.” He manages to make eye contact with the little boy, big eyes waiting for his reply. “You see, families come in _all_ shapes and sizes. Some children have a mommy and a daddy, some have just a mommy or just a daddy. Some even have neither. And then there’s children like you who have two daddies, and some other children have two mommies. Every family is different, you see.”

“I have you and Dean?”

“Yeah. And even though all families are different, people all love their children exactly the same. Just like me and Dean love you.”

“So…” Jimmy frowns, rattled by another cough “Chrissie has mommy and daddy and I…I have daddy and daddy?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Cas nods. “And we’re a different family to them, but we’re also exactly the same because me and Dean – daddy and daddy – love each other and we both love you.”

Jimmy nods. “We…we’re not the same family. We’re _our_ family.”

“Exactly. We’re _our_ family.” Cas smiles, pressing a kiss to the top of Jimmy’s head.

“Love you daddy.”

“Love you too, sweetheart.”

* * *

**6:54am**

Cas is exhausted. He’s been up all night. And so has Jimmy who is pale and miserable. He’s called the doctor to make an appointment. He’s worried about that cough.

And to make things worse, he’s pacing around the kitchen with Jimmy in his arms because he’s crying about not feeling good. He’s probably tired as well even though he hasn’t been able to sleep all night.

“Sshh, sshh.” He tries to soothe and it’s working by the time he hears Dean speak behind him.

“Cas?” Dean approaches him and studies Cas’ face. If Cas had to take a guess on what he looks like right now, he’d say messy hair (messier than usual, of course), bags under his eyes, tired and exhausted looking. He could make a joke about it being his new signature look, but he doesn’t feel like it.

“Hi.” He greets, trying his best not to worry Dean. He’s fine.

Jimmy finally calms down to just sniffling. “There you go, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He murmurs comfortingly.

“Cas, did you even come to bed last night?” Dean puts a hand on his back, worry deep in his eyes.

“No. Jimmy’s been awake all night so I’ve been up with him.”

Quite possibly one of the longest nights of his life at that. Jimmy probably feels the same.

“Oh Cas.” Dean sighs, rubbing between his shoulder blades. “You should have woken me up.”

“No, you have that sales thing. I wanted you to get a good night’s sleep.” He reasons.

Dean nods at that. “Okay, just, know that next time I’d screw over _any_ sales pitch if it meant you could sleep for a while.”

“Sorry, I just didn’t want you to be tired.”

“I know.” Dean presses a kiss to Cas’ temple. He leans down to Jimmy’s level. “Hey buddy, you not feelin’ good?”

Jimmy shakes his head, still miserable even though he’s not crying any more.

“I’m taking him to the doctors. I made an appointment with his pediatrician; managed to get one at eight before his pre-scheduled appointments start.”

“He’s that bad?” Dean questions, stroking Jimmy’s hair and looking over him again like he missed something the first time.

“I just want to be sure. I don’t like the sound of that cough.”

Dean nods. “How are you getting there?”

“I don’t think I’m fit to drive so I was planning on walking there. It’s only around the block and I could use some fresh air.”

“I can drive, but if you want fresh air I’ll walk with you.”

“Dean, your sales pitch.”

“It’s not until two thirty. That’s ages away, I’ll be fine. I’ll just call Michael and tell him I’ll meet him there.” Dean decides.

Cas breathes out slowly. “Okay.”

“Yeah? Okay.” Dean wraps a comforting arm around him. Cas admittedly feels relief work its way through him with the thought that it’s the day time now and Dean is around. Everything always feels worse at night.

Dean takes Jimmy out of Cas’ arms, and it seems like only now the little boy is getting sleepy again.

“If we’re not careful, he’s going to get a completely messed up sleep cycle. He’s already on his way to being nocturnal.” Cas runs both hands up and down his face.

Dean wraps his free arm around Cas again, holding him close for a moment. “Go and take a minute, yeah? Change of clothes and a freshen up will probably do you good.”

Cas nods. He’s right. “Okay.” He glances at Jimmy who is close to falling asleep. Again, _typical_. “Coming to think of it, I’ve needed to pee for about an hour now.” He adds, cracking a small smile.

Dean rolls his eyes and gestures to the hall. “You better go then.”

Cas nods and leaves to go upstairs and find some clean clothes. When he reaches his bedroom, he sees his bed just sitting there. He wants to climb in and go to sleep so bad. But he can’t.

He uses the bathroom first and brushes his teeth. Once he’s tidied his hair up, he goes back into the bedroom to rifle through the drawers. He finds another sweatshirt and a black pair of jeans that’ll do for today.

It doesn’t take him long to get dressed and before long, he’s going back down the stairs again. Each step down feels like a ton of effort, but he manages it, hearing Dean talking in the kitchen when he reaches the bottom.

“I can come to the sales call but Cas has been awake with him all night. I’ve gotta be there for Cas too. Is that okay? Yeah? Oh awesome, thanks Michael. I’ll see you at two fifteen then? Okay sounds good. Okay. See ya.”

Cas enters the kitchen just as Dean hangs up his phone call, still holding on to Jimmy who is fast asleep by now.

“I’m going to the sales pitch then I’m coming home again when it’s done. Michael says it’s fine.” Dean clarifies, sensing that Cas is about to protest. “Look, I know you want me to be okay and not worry, but you were up _all night,_ babe. You need to rest so I’ll come back home and take over. I’ll call my mom too so she can cover while I’m at the pitch.”

“Dean-”

“Sshh.” His boyfriend approaches him and pulls him into one arm. “I know you’ve had to do a lot on your own before, but I’m here now. You’re not alone anymore.” Dean presses a kiss to the side of his head. “You need to look after yourself too.”

Cas lets the words sink in. Dean’s right, but… “I just feel like you’re sacrificing a lot to be here.”

Dean chuckles quietly “sacrificing? Cas, I’m not sacrificing _anything_. I’d pick you guys over work _any day_. I love you, don’t I?”

Cas nods, realizing he’s being an idiot. “I think I’m tired.” He jokes and Dean chuckles again.

“But yeah, seriously, don’t worry about me. You need to start worrying about yourself, Cas.” Dean tells him and Cas nods. He knows Dean’s right. He’s trying to push himself too far; wear himself too thin.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. C’mon, let’s get him ready.” Dean suggests.

“Okay.”

They find some warm clothes for Jimmy and get him dressed with a clean pull up. Cas sits down on the couch with Jimmy who managed to sleep through all of that.

It seems like as soon as his eyes close for a mere blink, Cas is asleep straight away.

* * *

“Hi Cas.” Ravi smiles when they enter his office. He’s the best pediatrician Cas has ever come across. He was glad they got an appointment at such short notice.

“Hey Ravi.” He smiles back. The fresh air helped him wake up again, but he let Dean carry Jimmy. Even his arms feel weak with tiredness.

They sit down on the padded chairs in front of Ravi.

“What seems to be the problem?” Ravi smiles reassuringly.

Cas gestures to Jimmy. “Well, Jimmy was sleeping all day yesterday but nothing seemed to be wrong in the day aside from a small temperature and a bit of a cold, but last night he had this coughing fit and he threw up. And then he was awake all night with this nasty cough. I just…I guess I just wanted to check nothing was too wrong. I just don’t like the sound of his cough – it sounds painful even though he says it isn’t.”

Ravi nods, jotting some notes down onto a piece of paper. “He hasn’t had any experience with asthma in the past?”

“No. I mean, he’s usually fine but just last night it got bad. And then there was one time when I helped him blow his nose and he seemed to take in a few deep breaths. I don’t know if that’s relevant.”

“Yeah, that helps actually.” Ravi, pushes himself back on his desk chair, grabbing a stethoscope from his desk drawer. “I’m going to check if I can hear anything amiss when he’s breathing. We’ll have to wake him up unfortunately.”

Cas nods. “Okay.” Him and Dean stir Jimmy from his sleep gently. His son opens his eyes and looks around the room in confusion. “Hey, we’re with Ravi now.” He cups Jimmy’s cheek. “He wants to check your chest for a minute, yeah?”

Jimmy looks up at him for a while and nods rather reluctantly. But he does agree, so Cas picks him up carefully and sits him on the bed in the room.

Ravi moves over and smiles at Jimmy. His tie has teddy bears on and Jimmy looks at it in interest, distracted while Cas unzips Jimmy’s sweater down as far as it will go – mid chest – before pulling the collar either side so his neck is exposed. He pulls Jimmy’s tshirt down so more of his chest is available for Ravi to test.

Cas strokes Jimmy’s hair when he fidgets, clearly a little nervous and confused about the whole situation.

“You’re doing good, Jimmy. Really good.” Ravi says and Jimmy looks at him, remaining silent, but he stops fidgeting at least. Ravi shows Jimmy the stethoscope. “Now this is going to feel a bit cold but it’s not going to hurt. It’s just going to let me hear your breathing, okay? You wanna touch it?”

Jimmy reaches out and runs his fingers along the stethoscope, testing for himself whether or not it will hurt or not. Jimmy thankfully comes to the same conclusion as Ravi, saying “cold.”

Cas finds it cute. He shares a look with Dean who is also smiling.

“Yeah, it’s metal so it’s cold. But it will warm up when I put it on your chest. That okay?”

Jimmy nods and watches Ravi put the stethoscope in his ears then place the other end with the metal against his chest. Jimmy flinches at the cold but doesn’t move way from it. Cas is thankful that Ravi explained it to him and let him touch it. That made all the difference.

“Can you take five big deep breaths for me, Jimmy?” Ravi asks. Jimmy tries his best, coughing a little bit after the first one but he manages the other four. “Good man.” Ravi praises him and moves back, taking the stethoscope off. “Now, it might sound strange but can you cough for me Jimmy. A big, deep cough?”

Jimmy stares at him uncertainly but he seems to need to cough anyway so he has no problem coughing a few times. Ravi is obviously listening.

“Thanks Jimmy, that’s all.” Ravi smiles so Cas works on zipping Jimmy’s sweater up. He collects his son into his arms and sits back down with him on his knee. Jimmy reaches for his pacifier from Dean who hands it to him.

Ravi adds some notes to his sheet then looks up at Cas and Dean. “It’s looking like a case of pneumonia.” Cas panics at the mention of that word, but Ravi explains before he can panic further. “I could definitely hear some fluid in his lungs, but not to worry. It’s looking like bacterial or viral. That means we can prescribe him some antibiotics and he should be back to normal within two weeks, save for the tail end of his cough.”

“He’ll be okay, right?” Dean questions.

“Yeah. Obviously, if after four weeks there’s been little improvement or his symptoms get worse, be sure to take him to hospital but he isn’t majorly unwell right now which is a good sign. He’s just going to need lots of rest, lots of water and small healthy meals. And he needs to take the antibiotics I prescribe him. Make sure he takes the full course.”

“Okay.” Cas nods. “And you say he should get mostly better by two weeks?”

“Yeah. Some kids take a little longer to fight it off, and if it surpasses four weeks do follow it up but otherwise he should be fine.” Ravi smiles. His calmness eases Cas’ panic from before.

Ravi adds. “Also, keep him home until his symptoms recede and he’s well enough to go back to preschool or daycare. Just for his own benefit and so it doesn’t get passed to other children.”

“Of course.” Cas agrees.

“That’s it, really. Here’s the prescription.” Ravi hands him a slip of paper. “I’ll give you my number too, just in case you have any questions.” He scribbles his number on to a scrap of paper. Cas takes the number, grateful that Ravi has been so reassuring and helpful.

“Thank you.” He says, turning to see Dean has stood up. He takes Jimmy from Cas and stands him on the floor so he can help Jimmy put his coat on.

Dean takes Jimmy’s hand. “Thanks Ravi.” His boyfriend smiles as he starts leading Jimmy out.

Cas stands up to follow them, immediately knowing he isn’t feeling right. He takes a few steps and frowns, feeling light headed all of a sudden. He supports himself against the doorframe, trying to breathe through it but it doesn’t help. Closing his eyes doesn’t help either.

* * *

As soon as Dean turns around and sees Cas against the doorframe, he knows exactly what’s going on. He steps over quickly, saying Cas’ name but his boyfriend doesn’t really register. Ravi is standing behind Cas, looking concerned too.

“Is he okay?”

“He’s recovering from a concussion. He’s got this post-concussion syndrome thing and he gets dizzy when he stands up too quick.” Dean clarifies. “Can you watch Jimmy for a moment? Sorry, it’s just-”

“Oh, no problem. No problem.” Ravi nods and goes over to Jimmy who is looking at Cas in confusion.

Dean is ready the moment Cas loses consciousness. His eyes close and he starts to fall forwards. “Whoah whoah whoah.” Dean catches him, managing to support Cas under his arms, holding him tight so he doesn’t hurt himself. He manages to guide a passed-out Cas down to the floor safely.

“Lift his legs up. He’ll come to soon enough.” Ravi instructs him so Dean does just that, finding a chair to elevate his legs so he is able to stay close to Cas’ upper half ready for when he wakes up.

He should have known that Cas would be feeling faint. Being up all night not too long after being in hospital with a concussion – of course.

Dean takes Cas’ hand in his own, squeezing it. He listens in on Ravi talking to Jimmy even though he’s concentrating on Cas.

Ravi’s doing a good job at keeping Jimmy calm and not letting him panic or cry or anything. He’s explaining that Cas has merely fallen asleep and he will wake up soon.

Which he does.

His eyes open slowly and he freaks out a little bit once he realises he’s lying on the floor. He grips Dean’s hand tightly in a panic, probably confused, possibly a little bit scared and very shocked. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” Dean tells him calmly, drawing Cas’ attention. Cas takes several deep, quick breaths, keeping eye contact with Dean. “You’re alright, don’t worry. You’re okay.” He murmurs softly, helping Cas calm down for a minute or two until he relaxes.

“…what happened?” He asks quietly, voice small.

Dean holds his face and runs his thumb along Cas’ cheek comfortingly. “You just blacked out a little bit. But don’t worry, it’s alright.”

Cas takes the information in, turning his head to see Ravi with Jimmy. He looks back at Dean, eyes still wide from the little panic he just had.

“You wanna sit up?” Dean asks and Cas nods, moving his feet off the chair. Dean supports his back and helps him up so he can sit against the wall with his knees tucked against his chest.

“I’ll get him some water.” Ravi says, sending Jimmy over to him and Cas.

Jimmy looks at Cas, questions brewing. “Daddy okay?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” Cas swallows, carrying on taking deep breaths as he puts his arm around Jimmy when the little boy sits next to him against the wall.

Ravi returns with a cup of cold water as promised and hands it to Cas.

“Just little sips. Don’t drink it all at once or it might not agree with you.” He advises.

Cas sips at the drink, seeming thankful for it.

Dean moves forwards and runs his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Have you been feeling like that for a while?”

“It’s been the normal level of faintness since last week. But…just then…it got bad and I…well, I fainted completely.”

“You need to get some sleep, Cas.” He tells him and Cas nods.

“Yeah.” He agrees, blinking slowly.

“I’m gonna call my mom. She can meet us when we get home.”

Cas nods again. His fall seems to have showed him just how tired he is and how much he needs to rest. Dean’s glad he’s going to be around to help Cas settle down. He doesn’t want to leave him when Cas is obviously a little bit shaken up about what just happened.

He rubs up and down Cas’ arm. “You’ll be okay for a minute?”

Cas nods, looking down at his hands in his lap. “Yeah.” His voice is still quiet. Dean thinks he’s in a bit of shock.

He stands up and walks down the hallway back into the waiting room, dialing his mom. She answers on the second ring.

_“Hi Dean, everything okay?” She asks, her voice happy as always._

“Uh, kinda yeah kinda no.” He huffs in amusement. “I’ve gotta ask you a favour.”

_“Sure, what is it? I’m free today if that helps?”_

“It does actually. Well, you know how I texted you last night saying Jimmy was sick?”

_“Oh yes, I remember.”_

“Well Cas was up with him all night and he’s not doing too good this morning. We’re at the doctors with Jimmy and Cas just…he just passed out.”

_“Oh god, really? Is he okay?”_

“Yeah, I think he’s a bit shaken up though. That’s what the favor’s about. I was wondering if you’d come over today and watch Jimmy? Cas really needs to rest, and I’ve gotta make sure he’s okay after what just happened.”

_“Of course! I’d be happy to. Do you need me now?”_

“We’re still at the doctors at the minute but if you could meet us at home, that’d be awesome?”

_“No problem. Do you think you’ll need me in the night? I don’t mind packing a bag up.”_

Dean smiles. His mom is too kind. “I don’t know but you can pack one just in case?”

_“I’ll do that. Are you not going to work today?”_

“I was supposed to be in at nine but I called Michael and he said it’s okay for me to just meet him for our sales pitch at two fifteen. It just meant that I could come with Cas to the doctors which, as it turns out, is a good thing since he’s not doing so great right now.”

_“Awh poor thing. I hope he’s okay. I’ll be there when you get home.”_

“Thanks mom. Appreciate it.”

_“My pleasure. See you soon.”_

“See ya.”

He hangs up, satisfied. He’s just glad that he can spend some time sorting Cas out while knowing that Jimmy is also taken care of.

“Awesome.” He mutters to himself, happy. On to the next challenge now. _Getting home_.

Dean makes his way back through the corridor, seeing that Ravi is crouching next to Cas, talking to him. Cas is listening and nodding.

“-so you should be fine. Just get some decent rest and try and eat something, it’ll do you good. Okay?”

Cas nods and looks at Dean when he approaches.

“Everything okay?” He asks. Cas nods again. Seems like he’s gone as quiet as Jimmy.

“I’ve just been talking to him about what he needs to do. He’ll be okay, he just needs to take it easy. It’s normal to feel faint and it shouldn’t lead to passing out, but if he looks after himself he’ll be okay.”

“Good.” Dean smiles. Ravi risks a glance at Cas who is staring off into space. The doctor stands up and nods his head to the side.

Dean watches and steps aside. Ravi stands close so they can talk without being heard.

“I’d keep a close eye on him, he really seems shaken up.” Ravi decides, sighing. “He’s well enough to go home and be fine, but I’m just really hoping he recovers all right.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Did you drive here?”

“No, we walked. I offered to drive but he said he wanted fresh air.” Dean explains, looking over briefly to see if Cas is listening. He still away with the fairies. “Y’know, he hasn’t told me but I think he’s been getting carsick since he hit his head. He can manage short journeys but when I took him to hospital for a check up last week, he got _so_ pale. I think it’s why he’s eating less as well. He’s been feeling sick so he doesn’t want to eat.”

“It is normal I’m afraid. If he’s been cleared by the specialists, that’s great, but post-concussion syndrome could prove to be difficult for him. Did you get pamphlets about it?”

“Yeah we did. We sat together and read through it and we’re pretty sure we know all about it. I just never expected him to actually pass out. Like sure, we’ve managed to get around him being confused and losing a bit of concentration on certain things - even some anxiety about the stairs that he was hung up about, but yeah…I really never thought it’d get this bad.”

“He needs to rest. That’s the main thing right now. How has he been sleeping in general lately? Have there been any other problems?”

“It takes him a while to fall asleep and then he wakes up a lot in the night. And…” Dean breaks eye contact for a moment. He doesn’t know if he should say what he was about to say. But…it might help Cas, and they’ll at least get some answers. It’ll be worth it.

“Yeah?”

Dean repositions his feet. “He hasn’t been able to...get…” he lowers his voice “…uhm…y’know…he can’t seem to get an erection.”

Ravi nods, unfazed. “That’s normal too. It shouldn’t last long though because it’s not a physical flaw. It’s all in his head. You say he’s struggling to concentrate on certain things? That could be why he can’t. He’s going to be tired and maybe weak for a few weeks too which could be another reason, but that kind of problem should go after a while.”

Dean nods. “Thanks, man. I’m sorry, we’re holding you up. We’ll go.”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I’d rather you, Cas and Jimmy be okay than rush you out.”

“Thanks Ravi. We appreciate it.” They turn to look at Cas and Jimmy who are both still sitting on the floor. Both are asleep. _On the floor_.

Dean sighs and goes over to them, crouching by Cas. He cards his fingers through Cas’ hair. “Cas? Hey, we’re gonna go home now, okay?”

Cas wakes up and looks at him, eyes tired. “Now?”

“Yeah.” Dean says, trying to gauge how Cas is feeling. “Are you alright?” He sighs sympathetically when Cas’ eyes suddenly fill with tears.

Cas immediately wipes away a stray tear that falls down his face. “Yeah…just overwhelmed.” He takes in a shuddery breath, trying to keep himself under control. “I don’t want it to happen again.”

“I’ll be right here, okay? You won’t black out again. You won’t.” Dean runs a comforting hand up and down Cas’ back.

“I don’t want to feel like this.” Cas sniffles, but he keeps it under control. “I’m sorry, it’s the concussion thing making me emotional.” He wipes away another tear. “I’m not actually this upset.”

Dean nods. _Yeah you are_ , he thinks. For someone so honest, Cas can be such a liar sometimes. Lucky for Dean, he can see straight through Cas.

“Come on, let’s get ya home.” Dean takes his hand and Ravi goes to Cas’ other side to take his other hand. They help Cas stand slowly, making sure he’s steady enough to stand on his own for a minute while they get Jimmy up.

Dean circles his arm around the small of Cas’ back, taking Jimmy’s hand on his other side. Ravi walks with them to the waiting room where Dean decides “I’m calling a taxi.” He helps Cas sit on one of the chairs next to reception.

“Here’s his prescription.” Cas hands Dean the slip of paper before he lets Jimmy climb on to his lap. Cas wraps his arms around Jimmy who rests his head against Cas’ chest, looking sleepy.

Ravi goes to reception to ask for a number for a taxi while Dean hands the mini pharmacy the prescription. Once he’s paid the fee, they start sorting Jimmy’s meds out.

Ravi gives him the number and by the time he’s called for a taxi, the prescription is ready for him to collect.

Dean thanks Ravi and says goodbye before going over to Cas to sit in the chair next to him. He takes Cas’ hand, squeezing gently. “Taxi’s on the way.”

Cas nods, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean feels sorry for him. Cas is going to feel guilty about all of this, Dean knows it. And sure, he stayed up all night when he shouldn’t have, but he was doing it for Dean (well, _and_ for Jimmy), and he’s grateful for that.

Cas was just being too selfless (as usual) and is now getting a bad flare of post-concussion syndrome because of it. Dean just wants him to be okay – he’s not mad or anything.

“My mom will be there when we get home.” Dean tells his boyfriend, running a thumb across the back of Cas’ hand in a hope that it’ll make him feel a little better.

“I’ll get her a thank you card next time I go shopping. I need to remember. And I need to remember to give Jimmy his medicine.” He decides, repositioning his head against Dean. “I feel like I’m going to forget.”

“I’ll remind you.” Dean reassures him. “You could set a reminder thing up on your phone?”

“Yeah.” Cas moves his head and looks up at him. “I should have listened to you. I’m sorry.”

_And here’s the guilt._

Dean puts an arm across Cas’ shoulders and holds him close. “It’s fine. You stayed up for me and I’m grateful. And sure it led to this happening, but it’s in the past now. I just want you to be okay.”

“I really am sorry though.” Cas mumbles. “This whole thing was based around not stressing you out, and I thought I was doing the right thing staying up last night, but now I’ve made my head worse and you have to take care of me as well as Jimmy.”

“I’m not stressed out at all, Cas. I’m doin’ absolutely fine. I’m just happy I can be here for you. And besides, maybe you had this coming. Yesterday was a tough day for you and I don’t think you were ready to go back to work, were you?” Cas thinks for a moment before shaking his head. “I mean, you can’t stand up without being dizzy. They should have let you take more time off.”

“I didn’t tell you, but…at the weekend I put our clothes in the washing machine and forgot to start the wash. Then when I came back in to take them out I realised I never turned it on. So I started it and the clothes got washed, but then when that was done I put them in the dryer and forgot to start the dryer. When I realised I was so mad at myself. And I guess it’s vaguely amusing but I got so frustrated.” Cas sighs. “Ever since I fell I forget to do the most stupid things. I get emotional about _everything_ and start crying for no reason. And I can’t concentrate on _anything_. I can’t draw, I can’t watch a movie without getting distracted or losing interest, I can’t… _ugh_ it’s just annoying, y’know?”

“I know, Cas. It’s a pain in the ass and I hate that we can only wait for it to get better. But you’ll manage. I know you will. And I’ll help you. You’ll be okay.”

“I hope so.” Cas releases a shaky breath. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. It’s okay.” He presses a gentle kiss to Cas’ head, and Cas’ goes quiet after that.

Dean looks down to see that Jimmy is asleep in Cas’ arms. Cas is just staring off into space.

_Probably still shaken up_.

They sit and wait for a good fifteen minutes before the taxi turns up, and by then Cas is nearly asleep too.

Dean closes the text saying the taxi is outside and nudges Cas. “Taxi’s here.”

Cas forces himself awake, lifting his head off Dean’s shoulder.

Dean stands up and sling the diaper bag over his shoulder. He lifts Jimmy out of Cas’ arms carefully, securing the sleeping boy against his side before offering a hand to Cas.

Cas stands slowly, his confidence clearly aided by Dean’s free arm which is now across his back.

“Okay?” He asks Cas who nods, taking his next few steps very carefully. Dean keeps his arm across his back just in case, and because it seems to be a comfort to Cas.

The automatic doors open in front of them. Dean feels Cas stumble a bit so he tightens his arm.

“Don’t worry. Just take your time.” He says and Cas does. Dean can feel him shaking; he assumes Cas has just got a lot on his mind and of course, isn’t feeling great either.

They reach the taxi and Dean helps Cas get in first, then he hands Jimmy to Cas. Dean gets in with the diaper bag and closes the door.

_Finally._ Home.

* * *

“Hi mom.” Dean greets as they walk through the door.

“Hi boys.” She comes over and takes the diaper bag from Dean.

“Hi Mary.” Cas accepts a hug from her. “Thanks for coming over.” He smiles, blinking tiredly.

“How you doing, Cas? Not so good?” She cups Cas’ cheek in her hand like he’s her son too.

“I’ve had better days.” He admits as he starts tipping to one side.

“Steady there.” Dean steps over, stopping him from going any further. “Watch your balance, Cas.”

“Yeah.” Cas agrees, running his hands up and down his face. “Balance. Got it.”

“Why don’t you go sit down in the living room for a minute, Cas?” Dean suggests.

Cas hums in agreement then turns around and walks into the living room, nearly walking into the doorframe.

Dean shakes his head in amusement. Cas is clumsier than he usually is in this state. He shouldn’t find it funny really, but Cas would laugh at himself if he could see himself.

“He’s worse than I thought.” His mom whispers as soon as Cas is out of earshot.

“Yeah. I wouldn’t say he’s _completely_ out of it, but he’s definitely gone a bit loopy. I think it’s a mixture of things like, he’s shaken up from passing out and he’s tired, and because of both those things his concussion syndrome thing has gone bad again as well. _And_ I’m pretty sure he’s feeling sick from the car ride because recently he’s been sensitive to a load of motion and sensory stuff.”

“I feel sorry for him.” His mom sighs sympathetically. “Is he going to be okay?”

“He just needs some time, but rest is the thing he needs most right now.”

“You better go help sort him out in a minute then. How’s Jimmy?”

Dean looks down at Jimmy in his arms, still asleep. “Little guy’s got a case of pneumonia. Not severe, but we have antibiotics we need to give him.”

His mom coos and accepts Jimmy into her arms. Jimmy stirs a bit but his mom shushes him and he goes back to sleep.

“I’ll sort Jimmy out, you go help Cas.” She gestures to the living room.

“Papa.” A little, quiet voice sounds and Dean looks down at Jimmy, his heart warming at the word.

Dean leans down to Jimmy’s level. “Hey buddy. I’m going upstairs with daddy to help him rest. Will you be okay with Mary for a while?”

Jimmy nods and closes his eyes. Dean kisses his forehead, straightening up to see his mom’s face. She looks how Dean feels.

She shoots him a ‘ _really?’_ look and he nods, smiling.

She returns his smile before Dean walks past her to the living room to find Cas.

Dean sighs when he sees Cas sitting at an awkward angle, clearly having sat down then flopped over.

“Let’s go upstairs, Cas.” He tells his boyfriend who hums.

Dean hoists him up, getting him steady on his feet before starting to walk towards the hall.

“I feel sick.” Cas mumbles.

“Are you going to be sick?” Dean replies.

“No. I just feel sick. The car.”

“You feel a bit carsick?”

“Yeah. Even though I’m not in the car anymore.”

“Think a bath will ease it? I think you need to relax before you go to sleep.”

“A bath sounds amazing right now.” Cas sighs, going up the stairs first followed by Dean in case he loses his footing.

Luckily, they both reach the top safely.

“You go find some comfy clothes to wear for afterwards while I start the water?” Dean suggests.

“Yeah. And Dean?” Cas asks.

“Hmm?” Dean waits for Cas to say something but he doesn’t. They stand there in silence for a few moments until Cas gives up trying to form his sentence and steps forward, hugging Dean tightly.

“Love you.” He says quietly, words muffled by Dean’s clothes.

Dean holds Cas close, running his hand through Cas’ hair at the back. “Love you too.”

“I can feel myself being weird but I can’t stop. Does that make sense?” Cas wonders. Dean suppresses a laugh, replacing it with a nod.

He’s aware Cas isn’t talking the same way he usually would; his sentences are a bit jumbled so _yes_ , he knows what Cas means, but it’s not _weird_. Cas is just trying his best right now.

“Yeah, I know what you mean. Is it the tiredness or the shock from passing out?”

“Uhm…both?” Cas says with the tone of a question. “I don’t like this. It’s like…drunk? Being drunk?”

“You’re just a bit out of it, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll get clothes now?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

Cas pulls away and disappears into their bedroom. Dean rolls his eyes. Cas is going through some shit but it really is sort of funny. Dean hates himself for thinking that, but even Cas himself knows he’s acting weird.

Dean sets on starting the bath, happy to find the water nice and hot. Dean sits on the edge of the bath and watches the water flood in, tipping in some bubble stuff. The bath is half full by the time Cas returns.

“Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“What if I fall asleep and drown?” Cas asks, obviously not realizing Dean’s plan.

“I’m getting in with you to stop that happening.” He points out and it seems to click in Cas’ head.

“Oh, that’s a good idea.” Cas stares at him for a few seconds before frowning and looking away. “Sorry; being weird again.”

Dean chuckles. “Don’t worry, Cas. It’s cute.” He only realises that’s true when the words leave his mouth. Cute. Everything makes sense now - that’s why it’s funny – it’s _cute_ and _endearing_. Even though it’s not necessarily a good thing.

“It’s annoying in my opinion, but okay.” Cas smiles, dumping the clothes on the chair in the corner. “Mind if I pee?”

Dean makes the _go ahead_ gesture with his hand and checks on the bath water level while Cas uses the toilet.

Dean turns the water off when it reaches a good level, turning to Cas who has finished.

“Bath’s done.” He says, pushing the door closed so they can start stripping down. “Ready?”

Cas nods. “Yeah.”

Dean smiles softly and steps forwards, taking hold of the bottom of Cas’ sweater. He starts pulling it up and Cas raises his arms, grunting in slight pain at the movement. Dean’s been helping him change recently because of the pain in his ribs, but it doesn’t stop it hurting him a little.

“The bruising’s a bit better, Cas. That’s good.” Dean says, looking at Cas’ chest. “You didn’t hurt yourself when you fell did you?”

“No. My ribs feel the same as yesterday thankfully.”

“Happy days.” Dean smiles again, staying positive for Cas. He knows Cas is chatting but he must be feeling like shit on the inside.

Dean helps Cas get the rest of his clothes off before tugging his own clothes off.

Once they’re both undressed, Dean takes Cas’ hands and steps into the bath first. He helps Cas step in too then sits down, holding his hands up to Cas to help him down.

Cas slowly lowers down next to him. Dean is happy the bath is mostly big enough to fit two grown men. Him and Cas have had a bath together once before, but that one…that one was much less relaxing, more… _pleasurable_.

Dean smiles at the memory. Water everywhere. Cas lying underneath him. Lazy afterglow kisses. It was a good.

But today is completely different. This is about helping Cas relax.

“Come here.” He murmurs, sliding his arm across Cas’ shoulders, pulling him close. Cas sighs as he sinks further into water, resting his head in the space between Dean’s neck and his shoulder.

Dean gets hold of Cas’ left leg and pulls it over his own so their legs are tangled together. It also brings Cas closer to him so he can run his fingers through Cas’ hair with one hand and rub circles against his hip with the other.

“Comfy?”

“Yeah.” Cas breathes, repositioning his head against Dean.

Dean smiles. Cas loves snuggling. No one can tell him different.

Cas rests his arm across Dean’s stomach and Dean assumes he’s going to fall asleep.

He’s glad to feel, as the minutes go by, each one of Cas’ muscles slowly going lax. He’d been _so tense_. Dean could feel it when they hugged at the top of the stairs, so he’s glad that Cas’ is settling down now.

“Still feel sick?” He says softly, also appreciating the calm that is blanketing them both right now. The hot water feels amazing and the smell of the bath soap he added is awesome.

“Mmno.” Cas mumbles out, sounding tired but his voice isn’t tight anymore. He’s definitely feeling better.

“Good.” Dean carries on stroking Cas’ hair, enjoying the sound of their mixed breathing and the gentle splash of water when one of them moves under the water a little.

Cas takes in a deep breath, shifting even closer to Dean so they’re as close as humanly possible. Dean’s pleased his idea has worked out so well. The bath has relaxed Cas and calmed him down, he can comfort Cas too, and they’re both close as can be under the water. Nothing sexual – not today – it’s just _nice_.

Dean moves his hand away from Cas’ hair and holds his hand under the water instead, rubbing his thumb across the top of Cas’ hand slowly. Dean also moves his other hand further around Cas, running his palm up and down his ass cheek in a gesture of pure comfort and care.

Cas hums at the gentle caresses, pressing a single kiss to Dean’s neck before lowering his head back down to rest.

“Thank you.”

Dean kisses the top of Cas’ head and squeezes his hand. “Glad I could help.”

Cas nods, going silent again. They sit there for a long time, basking in the warmth of the water and the intimacy of each other. Dean knows the moment Cas falls asleep. His breathing goes steady and he goes completely lax. Dean smiles. _Love you, Cas._

* * *

Dean is sitting still, lost in his own head when he feels Cas start coming to. His boyfriend shifts his head which is still resting on his shoulder. Cas’ fingers twitch against his stomach and soon Cas is awake and taking in a slow, deep breath.

“You okay?” Dean murmurs, nuzzling Cas’ hair.

It takes Cas a moment to reply, but he soon whispers back a quiet “yeah.”

“You were asleep for about half an hour.” Dean tells him which technically isn’t that long, but Cas seems extremely chilled out now so it’s definitely made a difference.

“My head feels clearer.” Cas admits. “The fuzziness is gone.”

“Good, I’m glad. You feelin’ a bit more like yourself?”

Cas hums to agree, burying his face further into Dean’s neck.

“What’s wrong?” Dean whispers.

“...I’m just tired.” Cas whispers back.

Dean twists his head to kiss Cas’ hair. “I know.” He says with sympathy. “You can go straight to bed when we get out, yeah?”

Cas nods.

“Let me wash your hair?” He asks Cas, wanting to make him as chilled out as possible.

“Sure.” Cas says, starting to lift himself up off Dean’s shoulder after being there for a good forty five minutes.

Dean helps Cas sit up and slots his hands under Cas’ arms to help him lift himself to sit between Dean’s legs.

The water is still relatively hot which Dean is thankful for as he wets Cas’ hair and grabs a bottle of shampoo. He runs his fingers through the thick locks of dark hair, massaging Cas’ scalp with the tips of his fingers. Cas hums at the feeling, and the comfortable silence remains between them until Dean is done.

Dean soaps his hands up and sets on gently running them up and down Cas’ back, messaging lightly. He does this for a good while, liking the fact that Cas seems to be enjoying it very much.

He washes Cas’ hair and back down with the water then circles his arms around Cas’ waist, making sure not to squeeze him there because of his ribs. Cas holds his arms in place and Dean closes his eyes, loving the feeling of having Cas so warm and close to him. It’s the product of a bad situation, but he’s glad they’ve been able to spend this time together.

Cas turns his head and Dean meets him for several slow, gentle kisses, their lips sliding against each other pleasantly. During the kiss, they slowly lower down until Dean is lying against the tub and Cas is lying on Dean with his back pressed against Dean’s chest.

They break the kiss but stay close, enjoying the new position. Dean closes his eyes again, savoring the feeling of being so close to Cas. If he had to guess, Cas is doing the same. Dean is beyond glad and happy that he has been able to make Cas so relaxed after he passed out this morning.

He huffs in amusement at a sudden thought that crosses his mind “y’know, I’d offer to…you know…but we’re good relaxing, right?”

Cas, however, considers it. “I don’t think it’ll work but…you can try? I don’t mind.”

“Your choice, Cas. If you wanna try, I’ll be happy to do it. If you don’t, I’ll still be happy. I’m easy either way so it’s your call, babe.” He presses a few small kisses to Cas’ neck.

“Okay then.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Why not see if it works.” He manages a shrug. Dean smiles, pressing another kiss to Cas.

“Okay. If you want me to stop, I will. Okay?”

Cas nods so Dean moves his arms from around Cas.

He never expected things to go this way when he thought about running a bath for Cas, but here they are. It’s not like it’s sex or anything, anyway. He’s merely going to see if he can get Cas hard. If he can, he’ll jerk him off. If not, no harm done – they’ll try again another time.

Dean positions his arms comfortably and reaches around Cas, starting with running his hands up and down Cas’ thighs. He pays attention to making it seem like foreplay for Cas since he usually loves it when Dean pays attention to his inner thighs and his hipbones.

He thumbs at Cas’ hipbones, running his fingers along the taut skin. He moves one hand up to graze over Cas’ nipple, and Cas does actually release a little breath.

Dean kisses Cas’ neck as he moves his hand back down and runs his palms along Cas’ inner thighs closer to his dick.

“Open your legs a little wider.” He whispers and Cas does so. Dean takes hold of his legs and moves each one over his own legs. It makes it so Cas’ legs are completely apart and are resting either side of Dean’s on the outside. Cas is unfazed, he’s flexible which Dean loves.

Dean moves his hands higher, pressing against the firm tendons where Cas’ legs meet his pelvis.

Cas lets out a little gasp when Dean’s fingers graze over his dick, but Cas’ isn’t the slightest bit hard. Not even an interested twitch.

Dean ignores it and takes the soft cock in his hand, running his thumb along the top, up and down the full length of Cas’ shaft. He teases the head and the tip, but only a little so he doesn’t overstimulate Cas.

He gives Cas a few tugs, holding his balls with his other hand, giving a few gentle pulls. He massages them a little too and feels Cas relax against him, but his dick remains soft. Completely.

“Feel anything, babe?” He asks Cas anyway even though he knows he isn’t going to harden up.

“Nothing.” Cas admits with a small wisp of disappointment, but he adds quietly “it feels good though.”

“I’ll carry on for a bit.” Dean shares a long kiss with Cas while he continues stroking Cas between his legs. Another five minutes passes until Cas speaks again.

“Do you want…?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m good.” He reassures Cas. Dean’s actually quite proud of himself for keeping his dick in check. This bath is _not_ about him. It’s all about Cas. That’s why he’s telling Cas no.

“Sure?” Cas wonders, his head now resting Just below Dean’s neck. Dean’s still stroking Cas’ dick slowly.

“Yeah. This bath’s about you, not me. I just want you to relax.” He tells Cas the truth and Cas grabs both of Dean’s hands, slowly pulling them up. He hugs Dean’s arms to his chest and Dean embraces him again like they were doing before. Cas moves his legs back between Dean’s, sighing happily.

“I know I keep saying it but I love you, Cas. I really love you.” He presses his nose into Cas’ hair again, feeling a lot of love for the man in front of him.

“I really love you too, Dean.” Cas replies, turning his head so his cheek is resting against Dean’s breastbone.

“Jimmy called me papa in front of my mom when you were in the living room.” He remembers and has to tell Cas. “She looked emotional.”

“Good emotional?” Cas questions. Dean sees that his eyes are closed.

“Yeah.” He chuckles. “ _Good_ emotional.”

“I’m happy.” Cas says simply. Dean can hear the smile in his voice and he must admit; it’s good to have Cas back where he’s feeling like himself again.

There’s another stretch of comfortable silence before Dean finds a deep question leaving his mouth. “Do you want more kids?”

“…do you?” Cas replies straight away.

“…yeah.”

“Me too.” Cas thinks for a moment. “Maybe after we get Jimmy through a few more years…to elementary school maybe…then yeah I think I do”

“…we?” Dean asks, feeling a rush of emotion flood over him. _Good_ emotion.

Cas pushes himself up so he can make eye contact with Dean.

“ _We._ ” Cas confirms before lying back down.

Dean can’t help but let a huge smile out. They’re going to have a future.

“Wanna be partners?” Cas asks. “Not in a cowboy way…in a love way?”

Dean puts his hand on Cas’ cheek and manages to kiss him despite their slightly awkward positioning.

“Yeah. Let’s.”

Cas is silent then says “in a love way, right? Not cowboys?”

Dean laughs at that, half feeling a sense of relief that Cas is feeling well enough to make jokes. “Yes in a love way. Although, why not both?”

“There’s next Halloween sorted.” Cas sighs.

“I’ll look forward to it.”

* * *

Dean feels Cas shivering under his fingers when he steps out of the bath. He gets a little dizzy, so Dean supports him more firmly, but Cas is fine after a few moments and grabs a towel which is folded on the chair in the corner. He passes Dean the other one.

“You feelin’ better now?” Dean wonders, becoming a little chilly himself. It had been so warm in the bath with the hot water and Cas by his side.

“Yeah.” Cas sighs quietly. “My head feels much better, I’m…I’m just really tired.”

Dean nods. “You’ll be in bed soon.” He smiles.

They share a short kiss before Cas starts getting dressed into comfy clothes to sleep in. Dean leaves the room to go to their bedroom to find a clean suit to wear for his sales pitch. By the time he is dressed too, Cas has returned and is putting his day clothes away.

Dean leaves his suit jacket off for now while he spends time fixing his hair in the bathroom.

When he’s done, Cas is climbing into bed.

“Do you want a glass of water?” He wanders over so he can see Cas’ face. “We’ve still got some of those old hotel cups in the bathroom.”

“Yes please.” Cas murmurs, seeming extremely drowsy to say the least.

Dean nods and gets Cas’ water. Cas drinks it all when Dean hands it to him.

“Thirsty, huh?”

“Just making sure I’m drinking enough.” Cas admits. “What time is it?”

“About twelve ish.”

Cas sighs, resting his head on his pillow. “I’ve completely messed my sleep up because of last night, haven’t I.” He says it more like a statement than a question. Dean answers anyway.

“Maybe a little, but you’ll be fine. If you get a good night’s sleep tonight, you’ll feel much better tomorrow.”

“I hope so.” Cas agrees, pulling the blankets higher up his body.

Dean moves around the bed and climbs onto his own side before scooting over to sit next to where Cas is lying down. “I’m gonna stay until you fall asleep.” He decides.

“…it’s been taking me a while to get to sleep properly recently. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, completely.” Dean lowers himself down behind Cas until he’s spooning him. He strokes Cas’ hair slowly with one hand and places the other over Cas’ side, running his hand up and down his waist. “Go to sleep, babe. I’ll stay here.” He says and he feels Cas’ relax under his fingers. He enjoys carding his fingertips through Cas’ beyond-soft hair. He’s always loved it.

“Thank you. For everything.” Cas whispers.

Dean presses a long kiss to the back of his neck. “Anything for you.” He whispers back.

Cas does admittedly take about thirty minutes to fall asleep completely, but Dean doesn’t mind. He’s quite happy in his own head, and appreciates the calm that he finds in listening to Cas’ slow breathing. The room is in dim darkness too, and it’s very relaxing to just run his fingers through his boyfrie- _partner’s_ beautiful hair.

When he’s sure Cas is asleep, he carefully forces himself away from the warmth and off their bed. He quietly collects his suit jacket and his watch to put them on. He moves around to where Cas is and kisses his cheek softly before taking one last look at him and leaving the room.

Dean’s mom is in the kitchen when he appears from the hallway by the stairs.

“Hey.” He gives a small smile.

“Hi Dean.” She returns his smile. “How’s Cas?”

“He’s better. Much better – just very, _very_ tired. He’s asleep now though so that’s awesome. How’s Jimmy?”

“He’s asleep too. I gave him his first dose of medicine and a warm drink and he was out like a light. He’s in the living room.”

Dean nods and goes over to the fridge to find any leftovers he can eat before he leaves.

“What are we going to do with them.” His mom says in amusement. “I swear, there’s always something going on with those two.”

Dean huffs a laugh. “Cas just wears himself out too much. I’ve gotta show him somehow that I’m there for him.” He clears his throat a little awkwardly because he’s telling his _mom_ this. “That I’m there no matter what, y’know?”

“He’ll get used to it, I’m sure. He spent a long time on his own, right? So having you around is probably something new-ish to him.”

“I guess. I just want him to know that he can tell me anything. Like, last night he didn’t wake me up because he wanted me to be ready for my sales pitch. I’m grateful, but I would have wanted _him_ to sleep _too_.” Dean shakes his head, smiling. “I love how stubborn he is, though. Gotta give him credit for that.” Dean snorts, tucking into some cold leftover pasta.

“When will you be back do you think?”

“Definitely before five.” He says through a mouthful of pasta. His mom glares at him so he swallows before speaking again. “I might leave soon though and tell Michael I can meet him in the office after all. I have more time than expected, and we might be able to go over the prices we’re offering to the client beforehand.”

“Okay, no problem. Do you think you guys will want to eat something warm later? I had a quick look in the freezer and I’m pretty sure you have the stuff in for me to make a nice chicken stew.”

“Really? Yeah, that’d be great. If that’s okay?”

“No problem. I’m happy to help.”

“Thanks mom.” Dean gives her a hug after finishing his pasta. He goes into the living room to find Jimmy under a blanket, fast asleep on the couch.

Smiling, he kneels down next to him and strokes the boy’s hair a few times. He kisses his cheek, just like he did with Cas, before standing and grabbing his stuff for work.

“Okay, I’m heading out. I’ll be back before five.” He tells his mom and she nods.

“Okay. See you later.”

“Bye.” He opens the front door and steps into the cool air outside.

* * *

Cas wakes up slowly, knowing straight away that he’s wide awake, and he won’t be able to get back to sleep now. He tries is best to close his eyes and urge himself under again, but no. He can’t.

He reaches a stiff arm out to check the time on his phone, and groans. An _hour_. He was asleep for an _hour_.

It frustrates him more than anything because he’s _so tired_ but he just can’t sleep.

Cas dumps his phone back onto the bedside table. “Why can’t I just _sleep_.” He groans quietly, turning onto his back, contemplating. Thoughts that have been drifting through his head for a while start to surface.

He knows Dean has assured him that he isn’t stressed, but Cas still feels guilty. About everything. He’s sorry about staying up all night with Jimmy, and then causing himself to faint because of it. He still feels shaken since it happened, really. His head feels light and he feels…he doesn’t know…a little confused? He can’t remember what happened around it happening. Only feeling weird when he stood up in Ravi’s office, and then he’s suddenly on the floor and Dean is talking to him.

Honestly, it’s all freaked him out a little bit. But the bath with Dean really helped – it really made him relax, stop panicking and clear his head. He felt _so_ out of it beforehand. He must have been a piece of work to deal with.

He turns over on to his other side, frowning. He hates himself more when his eyes start filling with tears. _For no reason_.

“ _Stop!”_ He grumbles at himself. He’s still tired and he carries on cursing at himself for a good ten minutes until his anger just…dissipates. He gives up and flops lax against the bed.

He assumes it was a mood swing. Maybe his pain medication acting up. Maybe some weird hormone? Maybe his head. Maybe it’s the tiredness. He doesn’t know, but know he just feels flat as pancake.

He doesn’t really feel too good. He’s just…upset and _tired_ and _done_.

This leads to him tossing and turning for the next hour, trying to sleep. Next thing he knows, his bedroom door is opening.

He’s resorted to just staring at the wall at this point, thoughtless. He casts his eyes over to the door to see Dean entering. He doesn’t say anything.

Dean approaches and crouches next to the bed where Cas is lying. “Hey.” He whispers with a soft smile, reaching up to stroke Cas’ hair. His hand slides down to cup Cas’ cheek and he runs his thumb across his cheekbone. “How ya feeling?”

Cas hesitates. He’ll be honest. “I don’t know.” His voice is quiet; unsure.

Dean’s smile falls, a sympathetic look taking over his features. “You don’t know?”

Cas shakes his head. “I woke up an hour ago. Can’t get back to sleep. I don’t feel good, but I think it’s because of the tiredness.”

“Do you wanna go downstairs for a bit?”

Cas shakes his head again.

Dean nods, thinking for a second. “Would it help if I laid down with you for a while? I’ll take this work stuff off and then we can cuddle, how about that?”

Dean knows how much Cas loves cuddling. Cas just _loves_ being warm and tucked up in strong arms and…feeling loved.

At the thought of this, he nods, managing a thankful smile. Dean smiles back.

“You need anything?” Dean questions, running his thumb across Cas’ cheek again.

“…can you help me up? I need the bathroom.” He’d get up himself, but he feels weak even now. And he _knows_ he’ll get dizzy when he stands.

A small hint of concern fills Dean’s eyes. “Is everything okay? Is your stomach off again?”

“No, I…I just need to pee.” Cas fills Dean as he pushes himself up. He feels like his body is made of lead. Every movement makes him want to groan and flop down again.

Dean lets out a little snort. “Oh. Okay.” He helps Cas up and keeps a firm grip on him when he stumbles out of bed a bit. His legs are weaker than he thought. “Shit, you alright?”

Cas takes a deep breath when his vision clears. “Yeah. Just been lying down for a long time is all.”

Dean makes sure he’s okay taking the first few steps before letting go so Cas can go to the bathroom.

When they’re ready, they climb into bed together and Dean pulls Cas as close as possible, covering them with the blankets. Cas rests his head against Dean’s chest and appreciates the warmth radiating off him.

Dean runs his fingers through his hair in a relaxing, repeated motion. His other arm is wrapped around Cas’ back, holding him close. Cas feels any remaining frustration fizzle away, replaced with a deep feeling of _love_ and _warmth_.

He feels the suffocating emotion clawing at him again. He tries to hold it back, but it’s hard. He’s _so_ overwhelmed with _so many_ feelings.

Dean is unaware of his inner turmoil until an unavoidable sob escapes his mouth.

As soon as it happens, Cas chokes out “I’m fine” before Dean can say anything. He _can’t_ worry Dean again.

“Okay.” Dean whispers, rubbing his back. “Okay.”

Cas shakes his head. “I need to _stop_.” He says more to himself, trying not to cry any more. It makes him feel stupid and childish. He hates it but he can’t seem to help it. It feels like it’s just bubbling up and he just can’t control it.

“Just let it out, Cas. Don’t worry.”

Cas takes Dean’s advice and lets the tears roll down his face for a while. He realizes that he really isn’t crying about anything in particular – just that he’s _so tired_. Then to follow that realization, he realizes that Jimmy, his _three year old son,_ cries when he’s tired. Cas is a grown man. The thought of that makes him feel shittier.

Luckily, eventually, it tapers off. He’s exhausted.

Dean seems to understand that he needed to let something out, whatever that something may be.

They’re both silent. Dean continues running his fingers through Cas’ hair slowly.

Cas falls asleep in minutes.

* * *

Cas wakes up feeling warm and fuzzy. Maybe a little sleepy, but he feels much better after catching some sleep with Dean by his side. At the thought of Dean, he nuzzles closer into his clothes, feeling the steady rise and fall of Dean’s breathing against his cheek.

“Mmm.” Cas mumbles when he repositions his head closer to Dean’s neck, savoring the warmth of his skin and smelling the light wisps of cologne which still remain from this morning. Cas closes his eyes again, appreciating the closeness and the feeling of Dean’s arm around him.

“You’re awake.” Dean realizes, his voice soft. He takes in a deep breath, hugging Cas closer for a second.

Cas doesn’t reply. Instead, he moves his arm to drape it over Dean’s waist with a hum.

“I fell asleep myself there for a while.” Dean chuckles quietly. Cas feels Dean press his lips to the top of his head. “How you feelin’?”

“Better.” Cas replies this time with a rough voice from sleep. He opens his eyes.

“Good.” Dean lets himself sink down the pillows a little so they are eye level. “Before…were you just overwhelmed?” He wonders.

Cas nods. “Yes. I’d been mad at myself because I couldn’t get to sleep so I was frustrated and tired and…yeah. I’m okay now. That extra nap really helped.”

Dean gives him a soft smile and cups his cheek. “I’m glad.”

Cas inches closer a little so he can share a gentle kiss with Dean, their lips sliding together slowly in a loving kiss. Cas enjoys the feeling of Dean’s fingertips lightly carding through his hair, and it’s as if all of his worries and frustrations from earlier simply fade away. He feels _so much_ better.

When Cas pulls away to take a breath, he looks at Dean whose eyes are full of affection. It’s enough to turn Cas’ cheeks pink, and he looks away because Dean just…makes him feel so special.

“I love it when you go all shy, Cas.” Dean smiles, lowering his hand back down to Cas’ cheek.

“It’s because…I love how you make me feel.”

“And what is that, Cas?”

He manages a shrug from his position. “Loved.”

Dean’s eyes fill with more emotion and he presses a few small kisses to Cas’ lips. “Then I’m doing something right. Because being loved is what you deserve.” He whispers, kissing Cas some more.

Cas feels so full of warmth and happiness that he nearly forgets about everything that’s happened recently. Though even if he isn’t able to forget it completely, it sure as hell makes him feel much happier. _Everything’s gonna be fine._

They stay close for a few extra minutes until Dean breaks the silence when he does a few loud sniffs. “I can smell food.”

Cas sniffs at the air himself, and Dean’s right. “Chicken?”

“Chicken stew. Mom’s making it.”

“She didn’t have to do that.”

“No, she didn’t. But she did. She found a load of ingredients to make one so I said why not.”

“It smells good.” Cas decides, sniffing again.

“Wanna go get some?”

“Yeah, just-” Cas frowns, cutting himself off. He’s worried about feeling ill.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to eat and then be sick.”

“Why don’t you just eat a little bit? As much as you can manage and then if you want some more a bit later you can have it.”

Reassured by Dean’s method, Cas nods. “Okay.”

“Yeah? Awesome.” Dean kisses him once more then starts lifting himself up. Cas joins him and already finds strength in himself which wasn’t there earlier. That extra hour of sleep seemed to work miracles for him.

Cas runs a hand through his hair, ruffling the matted down parts with a deep sigh, the pleasant feeling of loosening his shoulders washing over him. “God I feel so much better.” He smiles to himself. Obviously he still has a lot of sleep to catch up on, but this is an _amazing_ start.

Dean chuckles. “Don’t jinx it, Cas.”

Cas feels Dean’s hand on his back as he begins to stand. He waits for a second but the dizziness is minimal. He is standing normally after a couple of seconds.

“Yup, that’s definitely better.” Dean notices.

“Yeah.”

“Okay, question.” Dean points at him.

“Ask away.”

“What did you think you were going to forget? You told me at the doctors.”

“Um what?” Cas frowns at Dean before looking down for a moment while he readjusts his pajama pants around his waist since they got twisted while he was in bed.

“I’m testing you.”

“ _Oh_ , okay.” Cas looks up to the ceiling in thought. “Uhmm, oh! Jimmy’s medicine. I thought I was going to forget to give it to him.”

“Nice. Do you still think you’re gonna forget or nah?”

“…no.” Cas decides. “But I’ll set reminders on my phone anyway. Just in case.”

Dean smiles at him and climbs out of bed to stand next to him. “Okay.” He kisses the tip of Cas’ nose. Cas would roll his eyes but he finds it cute so he doesn’t.

They go downstairs together and the smell of good food gets stronger. If Cas didn’t even have a tiny bit of an appetite before, he definitely does now.

“It smells so good.” If Cas wanted to be cliché, he’d say his mouth was watering.

“Sure does. Hi mom.” Dean steps forwards and hugs his mom.

“Hi boys. How are you feeling Castiel?”

“Much better thank you. And thank you for making food. It smells wonderful.”

“Ah, it’s the least I can do.” She gestures across to the living room. “Jimmy’s been asleep in there but I think the smell of food is waking him up as well.” She laughs adoringly. “He woke up once for a change and a drink but that’s all. He’s been better since he took the medicine.”

“Thank you Mary.” Cas smiles and gives her a hug like Dean did before turning to go into the living room. Dean follows him.

Jimmy is lying down on the couch. He shifts position a little and opens his eyes when they get closer, their breathing and socked feet clearly loud enough to rouse him.

“Hey buddy.” Dean smiles down at Jimmy who glances at him then holds his arms up to Cas.

“Daddy.” He says with his quiet little voice. Cas gets the vibe that Jimmy’s wondering why he hasn’t been around. He probably wants to be close to him now Cas is here.

“Daddy’s here.” He murmurs, lifting Jimmy out from underneath the blanket. “You okay?”

Cas holds Jimmy against his chest with one hand supporting his bottom and the other around the top of his back. Jimmy wraps his little arms around Cas’ neck and he melts at how cute it is.

Dean passes him Jimmy’s blanket and they both manage to get it back around the little one without moving him too much.

“Daddy okay?” Jimmy whispers in his ear. Cas smiles.

“Daddy’s okay, yes.” He rubs Jimmy’s back and smiles at Dean.

“Dean okay?” Jimmy whispers again. He hasn’t quite refined his whispering skills just yet so it’s easily heard by Dean. Cas can tell he’s heard it because a small smile crosses his face and his eyes light up.

“Dean’s okay too. Why don’t you give him a big hug to make him more happy?”

Jimmy sits up straight away, twisting to look at Dean, arms in the air.

Dean steps forwards and happily hugs Jimmy close. “Aw thanks big guy.” He smiles at Jimmy and strokes his hair before letting him go back to hugging Cas.

“Let’s get some food.” Cas decides, readjusting Jimmy in his arms a little so he can take Dean’s hand to lead them into the kitchen.

* * *

That night, Cas falls asleep on top of Dean in bed. Both of them are snuggled under the blankets, warm in a strong embrace. Cas has been snuggling against him until falling asleep. He does love a good cuddle. Dean loves him for it.

And as Dean starts to become sleepy himself, he decides that Cas is the man he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He’s felt this for a while now. Weeks.

He makes a note to go engagement ring hunting with Sam.

_Let’s get married, baby._


	3. Chapter 3

“This one, daddy?” Jimmy picks up one of the jigsaw pieces to show Cas.

“Yeah, that’s right. Where do you think it goes?” Cas points at the orange section of the jigsaw where it starts to merge into yellow. It’s a sensory jigsaw thing to help kids like Jimmy who get a little confused at all of the pigments merged together. Cas found it when he went to the store today and Jimmy is loving the challenge so far, even if he’s struggling with it a little.

Jimmy climbs over onto him, sitting in the gap of Cas’ crossed legs, clearly not wanting to sit directly on the floor any longer. Cas wraps an arm around his waist gently. Cas points at the puzzle piece in Jimmy’s hand. “Well that one has some yellow on it, yeah? And then there’s some orange on it too so it must fit next to one of these other orange pieces here.” Cas then points at the cluster of orange pieces already fitted together.

Jimmy nods and studies the piece for a while, running his finger over the circle poking out from the edge of the piece. He leans down and points the orange piece which has a circular hole. “There?”

“That’s it! Well done, that one was a bit trickier.” Cas beams. Jimmy mirrors his smile and reaches to slot the pieces together. He coughs a few times then sits up straight again, hunting for the next piece.

They’ve done all of the solid orange pieces now, although there are more pieces which have both orange and yellow. The jigsaw is harder because it isn’t a picture, but it’s just as good. It’s a colour gradient so orange merges to yellow which turns into green then blue then purple then pink. Obviously it’s a kids version so the pieces are bigger and less in quantity but it’s definitely _really_ good.

“Here, have a drink.” Cas picks up Jimmy’s water-filled juice cup. Jimmy holds it but doesn’t take it from Cas, clearly too lazy to hold it himself. Cas smiles and rolls his eyes, tipping it up for Jimmy who drinks down a few gulps. “Feeling lazy, are we?” Cas says with an amused voice. He gets a cheeky, guilty smile from Jimmy. “Hmm?” Cas tickles his tummy lightly making Jimmy smile and squirm a little, but Cas stops after a moment so he doesn’t make him uncomfortable. Jimmy still lets out a high-pitched giggle, pushing his head into Cas’ chest.

“Lazy daddy.”

“ _Me?”_ Cas laughs. Jimmy laughs at him. “I’m not lazy, _you_ are!” He says in fake offence, not being able to stop smiling.

“I’m sick.” Jimmy frowns to support his reasoning.

“I know.” Cas says with a soft tone. “I’m just messing with you.”

“Messy daddy.” Jimmy decides, selecting another piece from the pile of orange-yellow pieces they sorted together. Cas thought it might help Jimmy differentiate the different colors in his head if they sorted them beforehand instead of trying to sift through _all_ of the pieces to find the next one he needs.

“Yeah. Messy daddy.” Cas laughs, moving his attention to the jigsaw piece in Jimmy’s hand. “What colours does that piece have?”

“Yellow. Or- ornge.” Jimmy replies, saying orange more like ‘ornage’. Cas just thinks it’s sweet.

“That’s right. It has yellow and orange on it” Cas points at the orange part of the piece. “You say it like this: or _inge._ ”

“Or _INGE_.” Jimmy repeats, overly pronounced. He said it perfectly correctly, but it’s just _so_ cute. Cas manages to laugh to himself quietly. He Can’t wait to tell Dean about this. OrINGE!

“There you go. Where do you think it goes?” Cas leans so his head is next to Jimmy’s, both of them looking down at the jigsaw.

Jimmy tries the wrong spot a couple of times, not understanding why it won’t fit. “Why daddy?”

Cas points to the piece Jimmy has. “The bit that’s sticking out isn’t a circle. It looks more like a squished circle, yeah? So you need to find which of these pieces down here have a hole in that looks like a squished circle.”

Jimmy nods and searches the fitted pieces for one which has a squished circle shape, and sure enough, he finds it and claps his hands when it fits in place. “I did it!”

“You did.” Cas smiles in pride, hugging Jimmy who flinches away from him.

“Spiky.” He whines through a little giggle. Cas realises his stubble must have brushed Jimmy’s cheek when he leant down to hug him.

“Oh, sorry baby.” He chuckles. Jimmy laughs at him.

“Spiky daddy.” Jimmy decides, his eyes mischievous.

Cas’ eyes go wide jokily and he nudges Jimmy’s shoulder. “Now I’m _spiky_ daddy? So I’ve been lazy daddy, messy daddy and now spiky daddy. Got any more for me?” He snorts.

Jimmy’s eyes soften and he stands up in the gap he was sitting in before wrapping his arms around Cas’ neck. “Love daddy.”

Cas could simply melt with affection. Jimmy is the _sweetest_ little thing.

He hugs his son back, a big emotional smile on his face. “I love you too, sweetheart.”

When they pull away, Jimmy does a big yawn, his eyes sleepy.

“Come on, it’s bedtime.” Cas lifts Jimmy into his arms when he stands, grabbing Jimmy’s blanket from the floor.

“Jigsaw tomorrow?” Jimmy questions and Cas nods.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Where Dean?”

“Dean’s at work still. He’s meeting some important people at a restaurant to sell them some paper.” Cas explains as he climbs the stairs once he’s refilled Jimmy’s juice cup with water.

“Does Dean cuts the trees down? And cuts the wood for paper? And does it lots so he has lots of paper?” Jimmy wonders before another few coughs rattle his small body. Cas gives him his drink to sip at.

“No. Dean’s lazy. He lets other people cut the trees down and cut the paper. Dean just sells it when it’s all nice and white.”

“Lazy Dean.” Jimmy giggles.

Cas raises his eyebrow and bops him on the nose when he puts Jimmy down in the bathroom.

He helps Jimmy brush his teeth and suggests he tries to use the potty, which Jimmy does. Cas helps him wash his hands then takes his hand and leads Jimmy into his room.

Cas collects Jimmy’s pajamas from the bed and dresses Jimmy in them once he’s sorted with a clean pull-up.

Jimmy yawns again as Cas is lifting him into bed. He smiles at his son, pulling the blankets up over him.

Cas kneels down next to the bed and strokes Jimmy’s hair. “Night, munchkin.” He says. “I’ll be downstairs if you wake up. Just shout me if you need me, okay?”

“Okay daddy.” Jimmy agrees, his eyes already slipping closed.

With Cas’ hand on his hair, Jimmy falls asleep in minutes and Cas is able to leave the room without Jimmy waking up.

He smiles to himself as he walks down the stairs. He’s had a really good day, if a little tiring. He wouldn’t think it was just two days ago since he passed out at the doctors. It feels so long ago, and so much has improved since then. He’s caught back up on most of his sleep, Jimmy is happy enough with the medicine; he’s not too miserable and Cas feels like himself again, just in general.

He’s also managing the corporate work just fine, which is a huge relief. It doesn’t take him _too_ long to do either, so he has lots of time to spend with Jimmy and do little jobs around the house which he otherwise wouldn’t be able to do if he was working full-time.

Cas busies himself tidying up for a while, wondering when Dean will get in. He went to Chilli’s with Michael to get this big new client apparently, and they’re eating food there so Cas really has no idea when Dean will be back.

He’s wondering whether he should wait up for him or go to bed, or go to bed _and_ wait up for him? Because he wants to see Dean. He’s been looking forward to it, in fact. He wants to know how the meeting went, what he ate, how the rest of his day’s been. Just the usual stuff.

Once he’s tidied up, Cas packs the dishwasher and wipes the surfaces, leaving the kitchen looking shiny and new save for some mail which came through the door today. It looks like it’s just regular banking mundane stuff, so he hasn’t bothered opening it.

Cas is in the middle of reading the letters when Dean gets home, and he stands up when he hears the door open.

“Hey.” He smiles, standing in front of Dean.

“Hi.” Dean sighs, not sounding too happy, if Cas’ observation is correct.

“Is everything okay?” He frowns, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder when his partner dumps his bag next to the door.

“No.” Dean runs his hands down his face, standing still for a moment. “We didn’t make the sale.”

“Oh, did something happen?” Cas’ hand slips from Dean’s shoulder when Dean walks across the kitchen rather suddenly.

“Michael had to go meet David at corporate so I had to go to Chilli’s with _Andy_. Of _all_ people.” He grumbles, throwing his arms up in the air. Dean starts to slip his suit jacket off “that fucking _idiot_ completely messed the sale up. After I’d been working this guy for _hours_ to convince him our customer service is worth the price of the paper.”

Cas now understands that Dean is more than not happy. He’s angry.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Cas says sympathetically. He knows how annoying Andy can be.

“It would have given me _such_ a good commission, Cas. I was gonna-” Dean cuts himself off, sounding more defeated than anything now. Cas wonders what he was going to say, but feels like it isn’t the right time to ask. “I’m sorry I’ve come home like this, I’m just so _pissed_.”

“It’s okay, Dean. I understand. What did Andy do?” Cas says truthfully. Sure, he was looking forward to Dean coming home and spending some time with him, so maybe he’s a little disappointed, but it’s just one of those days. And Cas is more than accepting of that.

Dean repositions his suit jacket on the chair when it starts to slip from the wood.

“He was milking the guy _way too hard_. I’m talking _properly_ kissing his ass. He was all like _‘really? Oh that’s what I’m ordering! You’re a rib man, I like it’_ and he kept interrupting me, saying shit like _‘what do you think of Dean, huh? A pretty persuasive salesman’_ and I swear to _god_ it took everything in me not to punch him.”

Cas doesn’t really know what to say to that, so he settles for trying to distract Dean.

“Hey, you’ll never guess-”

“Not right now, Cas.” Dean says calmly which takes Cas aback slightly. What?

“I was just trying to make you feel better.” Cas admits, glancing down at his feet.

“I don’t think anything will help right now.” Dean mutters, and Cas doesn’t particularly like his tone.

_Okay, that’s kind of rude_. Cas doesn’t say that though. He makes eye contact with Dean, hardening his voice a little. “I’d appreciate it if you eased up a little bit.”

“I’ve had a shit night, Cas! Can I not be mad for once?” Dean snaps.

“Look, I get that you’re annoyed and I understand. I’m just trying to cheer you up.”

“Well, it’s not working so you may as well give up now.” Dean grumbles at him.

Cas decides he’ll try telling Dean about Jimmy saying orange. That’s gotta work, right? “What about if I told you that earlier-”

“I _don’t care_ , Cas!” Dean yells which silences Cas completely, shocking him a little.

Nodding, Cas looks down at his feet again, shifting uncomfortably. “Okay.” He says quietly at first, but he takes a deep breath and looks up at Dean, trying not to show that that upset him a little. “You’re gonna calm down. I’m going to bed…and you’re sleeping on the couch tonight.”

Dean doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t even look at Cas. He just stands leaning on a chair at the table, looking down.

Cas turns around and doesn’t bother looking back. That is exactly what he _wasn’t_ expecting. _Obviously_. Dean’s never raised his voice to him before, but Cas still understands that he’s had a bad night. He just wishes that Dean didn’t take it out on him.

He knows Dean didn’t mean anything by it, but the sort-of-fight is still leaving him with a sinking upset feeling inside. He shakes his head, trying to forget about it as he climbs the stairs. He doesn’t want to let this ruin his good day.

Cas pokes his head into Jimmy’s room, hoping – _praying_ – that he hasn’t woken up and Cas is relieved when he sees him still asleep, tucked up in his bed with his blanket. Cas nods to himself for his own reassurance.

_Okay. It’s okay._

Cas slowly wanders over to his own room, sulking a little bit. He glances down at the stairs where the lights are still on, vaguely wondering if he should go back down, but no, he’s leaving Dean to it. He might just make it worse if he goes back down. They’ll deal with it tomorrow.

Cas enters his room and closes the door, aware that it’s quite early for him to be going to sleep but he’s still tired beyond belief, so he doesn’t mind too much.

He tries to block out any negative thoughts as he gets changed and uses the bathroom. He doesn’t _want_ to overthink things or read into anything, but he’s finding it really quite hard. Thoughts are creeping into his head as he stares at himself while he brushes his teeth. What if Dean’s second guessing their relationship?

“No no no. Stop it. Stop it.” Cas frowns, mad at himself for even thinking that. Dean loves him, he’s just had a bad day. That’s all.

Cas washes his toothbrush and puts it into its pot on the sink then grabs his towel to wipe his mouth. When he’s relieved himself and washed his hands, he switches off the light and approaches his bed, climbing in slowly. He snuggles down under the covers, pulling the blankets closer so he can feel the warm fuzziness around his neck.

He lets a couple of tears fall, but it’s nothing severe. Just a few tears. He’s just…well, he doesn’t know.

He just doesn’t like the feeling of being alone after arguing a tiny bit with Dean. Cas knows full well that that mini argument would rank one on the severity scale in relation to how some domestic fights go between some people, but he still feels the heaviness in his stomach.

Cas tries not to let it bother him and it works to an extent. Everything really will be fine. At this, he pulls a tissue from the box on his bedside table and wipes the tears from his eyes. _It’s okay._

* * *

Cas stirs from sleep suddenly, having been roused by Jimmy calling out for him. He presses the home button on his phone to see what time it is and discovers that it’s well into the wee hours of the morning.

“Daddy!” Jimmy calls out again which makes Cas shift the rest of the way out of bed to stand up, the cool air of the room drifting around him and making him shiver a little.

He’d close the window, but when he’s in bed he likes the feeling of cool air on his face while the rest of his body is cosy under the blankets. He loves the sensation. Not too hot, not too cold.

He pulls the door open and walks across the dark landing towards Jimmy’s room.

Cas finds Jimmy sitting up in bed, looking a little teary.

“Hey baby, what’s the matter?” He asks softly as he walks over, giving Jimmy a gentle smile.

Jimmy looks him in the eyes for a moment before telling him what’s wrong. “Daddy, I…I woke up and I think…” he sniffles a little bit “I did a…”

Cas nods in understanding, not needing Jimmy to struggle through explaining it any further. As much as he doesn’t want to, he can smell the problem.

“Don’t worry. Come on, let’s get you out of that pull up.” He decides, rubbing Jimmy’s arm reassuringly before helping him out of bed.

He takes Jimmy’s hand and leads him to the big bathroom, switching on the big light.

“Why did it happen?” Jimmy mumbles. Cas leans down and wipes the tears from his face.

“Remember what we told you? The medicine might make you need to go number two more. Even at night. _And_ you’ve been sleeping a lot recently. You can’t help when you need to go, so if you’re sleeping a lot more, it’ll just happen when you’re asleep instead. Okay? It’s not your fault.”

Jimmy nods, reassured thankfully. Cas smiles again and makes efficient work of cleaning Jimmy up. He’s used to it from when Jimmy was just a little baby, so it’s not particularly alien to him.

He disposes of the soiled pull up and finishes cleaning Jimmy before powdering him up and putting him in a fresh pull up. He collects the supplies and puts them in the drawer in their correct places.

Cas washes his hands and picks up Jimmy’s pajama pants, but Jimmy pushes his hand.

“Feeling a bit warm?”

Jimmy nods so Cas lifts him up as is, in just a t-shirt and his pull up. He switches the light off and carries Jimmy back to his own room, knowing he’ll want to be with Cas now.

“Sorry daddy.” Jimmy mumbles, clutching at Cas’ night shirt.

Cas sits down on his bed, sitting Jimmy on his lap before stroking his crazy tufts of hair. “It’s okay.” He smiles. “Nothing to worry about, okay?”

“Okay daddy.” Jimmy nods, blinking sleepily as he collapses forwards against Cas’ chest tiredly.

“Let’s get back to sleep, hmm?” Cas says as he starts to lie down on the bed.

“Yeah.” Jimmy agrees, snuggling right up to Cas.

Cas is glad that Jimmy doesn’t seem to have noticed that Dean isn’t there in bed. He must be too tired to care.

He pulls the covers over them then wraps his arms all the way around Jimmy, holding him close. Jimmy pushes himself up a little further so his head is up against Cas’ neck. He kisses the top of Jimmy’s head, closing his own eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

Cas runs his hand up and down Jimmy’s back slowly until he starts to fall asleep, silently happy for the company.

* * *

Cas is just about awake when he hears his bedroom door open. Knowing it’s Dean, he keeps his eyes closed, deciding it’ll be easier to pretend he’s asleep than try and start a conversation now.

He can sense Dean hovering next to the bed, then he hears his clothes shuffling as he crouches down. Cas keeps his face still and manages not to flinch when he feels Dean’s hand on the side of his head, save for the slight twitch of his fingers against Jimmy’s stomach where he has his arm around him.

Dean sighs quietly, stroking Cas’ hair. Cas enjoys the feeling of Dean’s fingertips, feeling warmth spread through his belly because it’s a solid confirmation that last night was just unlucky. They’re gonna be fine.

“Babe.” Dean whispers, but he isn’t trying to wake Cas up. He’s just speaking. “I’m so sorry.” Dean holds Cas’ head then moves his hand to cup Cas’ cheek, running his thumb along his cheekbone. “Oh man.” Dean says. Cas immediately realises that he didn’t throw away the tissue he used last night to dry his tears. Dean must be thinking the worst. “I’m sorry. I love you.” He feels Dean press his lips against his own softly.

Cas considers opening his eyes, but he feels Jimmy shift next to him which seems to draw Dean’s attention.

“Hey buddy.” Dean starts speaking to the little boy. “You okay?”

Cas hears some shuffling then Dean speaks again. “Okay, you need a change. Come on. I’ll sort ya out then you can go back to sleep with daddy.”

Cas feels Jimmy get lifted out from under his arm gently, then there’s a cold gap where his son was next to him.

Cas tries not to, but with the knowledge that Dean is okay now, he falls back to sleep in a calm, sated state. He’s fast asleep by the time Dean brings Jimmy back.

* * *

Cas is exhausted when he pulls up outside. He sighs and rests his forehead on his hands at the top of the wheel. He turns around to look at Jimmy after a few moments; he’s fast asleep in his car seat, drool all down the side of his mouth. Cas smiles. Sure, it’s a mess but it’s cute so he doesn’t mind. It just probably means he’ll get it on his shoulder when he carries Jimmy inside.

With a heavy sigh, he blinks, if a little tiredly. He feels sleepy, so much that he could easily take a nap when he gets in. As much as he wants to talk to Dean, he’s exhausted. He had more corporate work to do today – clearly everyone is submitting their incomplete files before they get to the end of the week. It took a lot of time, and then Cas cleaned up for a while ready for Mary to come visit them again today, just to make sure they’re both okay. Then when she went, his own mom called about the vacation coming up. For the rest of the day he’s been doing small jobs before heading out to the supermarket to get some decent food for the next few days or so. And now? Now he’s exhausted.

With a bit of a struggle, he manages to get a shopping bag in one arm and Jimmy in the other, wanting to get him to bed. He walks up the path to the house slowly, already aware that Dean is in because his car is in the drive.

He opens the front door, having to kick it open since he has no hands free. He immediately sees Dean sitting at the kitchen table on his phone.

They haven’t texted much today apart from them agreeing they need to talk. Cas hopes that if this morning is anything to go by, they are okay. It was just a bad night.

Dean looks up when he enters with a big sigh, the shopping bag sagging in his arm a little bit. Dean gets up, his chair scraping across the floor in the process, to help Cas with the bag.

“Here.” Dean says as he takes it, allowing Cas to hold on to Jimmy more securely. “Do you have more in the car?”

“Two.” Cas replies as Dean puts the bag on the table.

“Okay, I’ll get ‘em. Gimme your keys.” Dean holds his hand out for Cas’ car keys. Their fingers brush. Dean’s hands are warm as usual. He does seem to be in a better mood today.

“Thank you.”

Dean nods to him with a slightly awkward smile then leaves.

Cas knows they’ll talk it out later, so in the mean time he sets on taking Jimmy upstairs to get him changed and into bed for a nap. He makes quick work of it, too, so before long he is going back downstairs with the monitor just in case Jimmy wakes up. They don’t really use it anymore, but since Jimmy is sick they thought using the monitor would be good to use just in case.

Dean is there when Cas returns. His pace falters a little when he walks through the doorway, but he continues walking into the kitchen.

Him and Dean stand opposite each other, just staring awkwardly for a few moments. Cas resists shifting uncomfortably, and settles for fiddling with the hem of his sleeve, picking at a loose thread.

Dean watches the movement and it feels like hours pass until the inevitable happens.

They both relax and step towards each other quickly, wrapping themselves into a big, strong, cuddly hug. Cas has his arms around Dean’s neck and lets his head rest in the crook of his shoulder, nuzzling the warm skin. Dean’s arms are circled around his waist, almost protectively, and it feels _so good_ to be back in Dean’s arms again. When Dean runs a hand up his back and presses his nose into the hair at the side of Cas’ head, he closes his eyes and they are comfortably silent in their embrace for a few wonderful minutes. Cas has no idea exactly how long they stand there, but he’s in no rush to pull away.

“Baby.” Dean murmurs. “I’m sorry about snapping at you and coming home all frustrated. I’m so sorry.”

Cas nods, squeezing Dean in the hug. “I forgave you the moment it happened, Dean. I just thought maybe it would be good to keep out of each other’s hair for a night. That’s why I left.”

“No, I know I upset you.” Dean sighs. “You don’t have to pretend I didn’t.”

“Just a little.” Cas relents. At the end of the day, he knows Dean saw the tissue. “But it was just because…” he sighs, and Dean pulls away, but he keeps his arms around Cas loosely and looks into his eyes waiting for him to speak. “I guess I waited for you to come home all day, and I had some stuff to tell you about Jimmy that I thought might cheer you up. And you came in and…well…what happened happened.”

Dean shakes his head guiltily. Cas continues speaking. He doesn’t want him to feel guilty.

“But I understand. I under _stood_ at the time. I don’t blame you for anything. That’s why I went upstairs. Just so you could be alone for a while and…” Cas pauses “and so I didn’t annoy you any more.”

A guilty look crosses Dean’s face nevertheless. “I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry.” Dean sighs. “There’s no way I can justify it to be honest, I was just being a dick because Andy had annoyed me. There was no reason why I should have been such an asshole.”

Cas slides his arms back around Dean, holding him close. “Dean, I forgive you. It’s okay.” He strokes the hair at the back of Dean’s head. “I understand. You had a bad night, your temper was short.”

He feels Dean nod against him. “Is there any way I can make it up to you? I feel bad even if you forgive me. Like, I made you cry, right?”

“Like I said, not much, but yeah. Though I’m okay now. I’m fine.” He pulls back a little so he can make eye contact with Dean. “The only thing I ask is…please don’t shout at me again.” Cas locks eyes with Dean who agrees straight away.

“Never. I promise. I really am sorry.”

Cas gives him a small smile. “I love you. And I missed having you around.”

“I love you too. So much.” Dean smiles back, and hugs Cas close. Cas loves the feeling of Dean’s strong arms around him.

He thinks of something and decides it’ll lift any remaining tension between them. “Just something small to add: like I said, please don’t shout at me…” he pauses, smiling to himself “unless you’re screaming my name while we’re having sex. Then you can shout as loud as you want” he lowers his voice and whispers into Dean’s ear “especially if you’re screaming it because my fat cock is up your ass.”

“Novak!” Dean bursts out laughing, half in amusement and half in shock. Cas loves tapping into his dirty talk side.

“Winchester!” He replies innocently, pulling away to give Dean an innocent look to go with it.

“You dirty bastard.” Dean chuckles, pressing their foreheads together. “You’ve been without sex for too long, babe.” He smiles fondly, pressing a light kiss to Cas’ lips. “And you’re ready to top for me, huh?”

“When I can get it up, yeah. I’ve been thinking about it” Cas blushes “I know I said when we first started dating that I didn’t feel confident, but I think I am now.”

“I never knew, how come you’ve never been fond of topping?”

Cas bites his lip, his smile faltering a bit. “Uhm…can I tell you later? It’s kind of a…uhm…sensitive story for me.”

Dean frowns, looking worried. “Yeah, sure.” He holds Cas’ cheek. “Are you okay?”

Cas nods immediately. “Oh, yeah, I’m fine now. I’m okay, it was a long time ago. It was just a bad experience that scared me away…a bit…”

Dean doesn’t look reassured. Cas leans forwards to kiss him long and slow. He smiles at Dean when they move away.

“I promise I’m fine. Okay?” He says truthfully, smiling wider. Dean finally smiles back and nods.

“Okay Cas.” He pulls Cas back into the hug again with a firm hold. “Hey, I was thinking of making you dinner. You hungry?”

“A little.” Cas smiles. He kisses Dean for a moment. “I’m going to go change, see you in a minute.”

“Okay.” Dean squeezes him in the hug once more then lets him go.

Cas walks away with a huge smile on his face.

* * *

When they’ve given Jimmy his food and got him back into bed for the night, they sit down together at the kitchen table.

“Good?” Dean asks from across the table. He lit candles and everything, and turns out he got flowers for Cas too, which are across the table in a vase.

Cas swallows the food in his mouth. “Yes, thank you Dean. I haven’t had spaghetti for so long. At least not this good anyway.” The food really is nice. Cas hasn’t been eating much lately, so it’s nice to really enjoy a meal for once. He’s getting pretty full now though.

“You feeling okay? You’re picking at it a bit.” Dean gestures to Cas’ plate with his fork, where he’s eaten just under half of his portion.

Cas stares down at his food for a moment, realizing Dean’s right. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just getting full.” He admits, looking up at Dean.

“You’ve lost weight, Cas. Like, a fair bit. In three and a half weeks. Are you eating enough?” Dean puts softly, searching Cas’ eyes for answers.

“Probably not. To be honest.” Cas sighs. “It’s just that when I do eat, I fill up really quick. And then it sits in my stomach like a rock, and then if I eat any more than that by accident, I either feel sick or…well…I gotta run to the bathroom.”

Dean’s face turns sympathetic. “I’m sorry it’s happening, Cas. I guess it’s because you didn’t eat anything when you first hit your head. And now you’re trying to go back to your old eating routine and it’s messing with your stomach.”

Cas shrugs, nodding in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right. Your spaghetti is really good though. I wish I could eat more.” He says, giving up on trying to eat more. He doesn’t want to make himself ill.

“Don’t worry. We’ll freeze it.” Dean smiles, taking Cas’ hand across the table. “Did Jimmy go down okay?”

“Yeah, he was fine. I just hope he sleeps through the night now he’s had some food. He should, anyway. He’s been tired all day.”

“We have the monitor anyway. We’ll know if he wakes up.”

“Yeah.” Cas smiles.

Dean finishes his food and leans forward towards Cas and rests his elbows on the table, his chin on his hands. “So, you wanna tell me what happened with Jimmy yesterday? I’m dying to know.”

Cas’ eyes go wide, remembering. “Oh yeah!” Dean laughs at him. Cas shifts in his seat, preparing to tell the story. “So we were doing the gradient jigsaw puzzle and he was doing _really_ well. And he picked up a piece which had some orange and some yellow on it so I asked him which colours they were. He pronounced ‘orange’ a little wrong so I explained it to him, saying ‘or _inge_ ’. So he copies me and literally goes or _INGE_ in a _really_ exaggerated repeat of what I said. Honestly, it was the absolute _cutest!_ ”

Dean laughs, his eyes full of affection. “What a kid. He’s the best, I love him.”

“I love him too.” Cas agrees, his gaze lowering to nothing in particular. “I still can’t get over him calling you papa. I’m honestly _so happy_ about it I can’t tell you.” Cas leans forward. “You know, the other night, he asked me if he had a mommy.”

“He did? What did you say?”

“I can’t remember exactly, but I told him that all families are different but there’s the same amount of love. Oh and he said the _sweetest_ thing, Dean! I said to him that you and me love each other and we both love him which he understood. So he said that he knows we’re not the same as other families, but we’re _our_ family.”

Dean’s eyes soften even more. “Yeah, we are. We’re our own little family.”

Cas smiles, closing the gap between them to press a kiss to Dean’s lips before pulling away. “Definitely.”

* * *

“Okay. Okay. It’s alright.” Cas bounces Jimmy in his arms to help with the crying. “Sshh. It’s just a nightmare. It’s not real.” He strokes Jimmy’s hair, shushing him again. “It’s okay.”

Him and Dean had heard Jimmy wake up and start crying on the monitor so Cas has come upstairs to find that Jimmy has woken up from a nightmare.

Dean’s been warming some milk downstairs for Jimmy and Cas hears him coming up the stairs.

“Hey buddy.” Dean walks in just as Jimmy buries his head against Cas, his crying muffled. Dean places his hand on Jimmy’s back and exchanges a look with Cas.

The both of them comfort Jimmy as much as possible until he calms down, which is helped by Dean pulling funny faces. Jimmy just stares at him, teary eyed, but it stops him crying at least.

Dean hands Cas the bottle of milk, and he positions Jimmy a little further on his back in his arms – like a baby, really – so he can hold the bottle for him. He’d let Jimmy hold it himself but he’s still sleepy even though he’s been crying, and Cas wants to make sure he doesn’t gulp down a load of air by holding the bottle wrong.

Jimmy closes his eyes and starts drinking the milk as soon as Cas lowers it down to him. He snuffles a little bit as he drinks it down, the warmth of the milk seeming to comfort him.

“There we go. That’s it.” Cas says as Dean starts stroking Jimmy’s hair. “Okay.”

They soothe him quietly until he finishes his milk. Cas has felt him slowly relax throughout the last five minutes or so which is a good thing at least. Jimmy’s mostly sated and happy now.

He dips two fingers down Jimmy’s waistband when Dean takes the nearly-empty bottle away. “Let’s get you changed, yeah?”

Jimmy nods as Cas starts making his way over to the changing table in the room. He lies Jimmy down and pulls down his pants, and Jimmy is entertained by Dean pulling more faces while Cas cleans him up and gets him into a clean pull up.

“There we go.” Cas smiles, picking Jimmy back up. “All better.”

Jimmy blinks at him tiredly and relaxes against Cas’ chest, all sleepy again.

Cas and Dean tuck him back in to bed together and stay until they’re sure he’s asleep before heading back downstairs to do the dishes.

When they’re done, they sit on the couch together, playing their mixed playlist quietly that they created together. Dean puts his arm around him so he sinks down a little further and rests his head on Dean’s shoulder. He feels really quite tired.

“How was your day?” Cas asks, closing his eyes.

“Good actually. Andy apologised for being a dickhead. We went to lunch together and talked it out.”

“Happy to hear it.” Cas smiles, resting his hand flat against Dean’s sternum, rubbing up and down a couple of times affectionately. He feels Dean’s fingers in his hair.

“It helped a lot. Oh, and everyone was asking about you.”

“They were?”

“Yeah, they were concerned. I guess we never told them what happened so they thought you’d just kind of…disappeared. So I explained a few details; said that David offered a job you could do from home. I told them you needed some more time off anyway, and they’re happy for you. And Phyllis told me to tell you she’s around for a talk any time.”

“I’m honoured.”

“She’s really taken you under her wing. She can be _super_ snarky to everyone else but she’s acting like a mother to you.”

“I know. She’s nice when she wants to be. Luckily I’m on the right side of her.”

“Mr. Lucky.” Dean chuckles. Cas laughs with him.

After a few moments of silence, Dean pulls Cas a little closer.

“Cas-”

“I don’t top because I was abused.” Cas admits. May as well get it out there.

He feels Dean tense beneath him, and his fingers in Cas’ hair slow to a stop as he starts to stutter a reply. Cas runs his hand up and down Dean’s sternum again.

“Don’t worry. It was when I was nineteen. It was my first time. I didn’t know any better.”

“Cas, that’s awful.” Dean sighs.

“Before I tell you the rest, just know that the day after it happened I talked to a woman on campus about it and she sorted me out. She told the police and got the guy kicked off his college course.”

“Serves him right, the bastard.”

Cas nods, sitting up so he can look into Dean’s eyes. He takes both of Dean’s hands in his own. “You want the full story? Everything? All the details?”

“Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Dean squeezes his hands.

“I’m comfortable with telling you everything about _anything_.” Cas smiles. “It doesn’t bother me; I don’t even care if you know that one time when I was little, I shit myself at the dinner table by accident and didn’t tell anyone. Well, until my mom found out when Gabe nearly puked over dessert and I started crying.”

Dean snorts and laughs out loud. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I was embarrassed! I was only six.”

Dean shakes his head with a smile. “You were a shy little thing, weren’t you.”

“Still am.” Cas laughs through a breath. His smile drops slowly and he finds his gaze lower.

He changes the subject to the elephant in the room. “The guy, Greg, was my boyfriend. I met him on the second year of college and he seemed really nice at the time, but when we got closer he started to get kind of…I don’t know, controlling? He would be _so_ nice to me if I did what he wanted, but if I didn’t do what he said he’d turn nasty.”

Dean gives up on the eye contact and pulls Cas into a strong-armed hug, clearly just wanting to hold Cas. He feels a sense of protection from Dean and it brings him an immense feeling of peace and comfort. He nuzzles Dean’s clothes.

“Sooo, after a month of dating, he wanted to have sex. I’d never done it before so was a little reluctant, but I trusted him somehow. He had me down this emotional black hole where I _thought_ he was a good person. It was because he used to make me feel so special when he was being nice – I guess that was the reason I overlooked the controlling side of him.”

Dean kisses the top of his head, silently urging him to continue.

“I agreed to have sex with him in the end. So that night, we’re kissing and he starts- um…he started fingering me, with lube thankfully. It felt weird obviously, because it was my first time and I hadn’t really masturbated in that way before, but he kept saying over and over _‘this is normal, this is normal, it’s normal to feel this way’._ I believed him even though it started to hurt, and I didn’t say anything until he used three fingers. He hadn’t used any more lube since the first finger either, so it really stung.”

He doesn’t like the memory, not at all, but it’s a long time ago in his eyes. It doesn’t bother him any more. Well, apart from avoiding topping.

He continues. “After that, he takes out his fingers and I’m jerking off at this point to distract myself from how my asshole is really killing me. But apparently he didn’t want me to do that and he snatches my hand away and pins both my wrists down next to my head.” Cas takes a deep breath. “He told me to relax and even though I was feeling a little panicky, I let him…I let him push in even though my asshole was screaming at me. He had a pre-lubed condom on but it wasn’t helping at all, so I told him to stop. He didn’t stop, not at all.” Cas takes another deep breath. “He fucked me raw and I started crying which he called me a ‘little bitch’ for, and then he came, pulled out, and left. He left me there alone. I was in a lot of pain and I spent a while crying because only then did I realise that he was a bad person. A very bad person. I hated myself for being so stupid and naïve.”

“I’m so sorry, Cas.” Dean mumbles, hugging him as close as possible. “How come you never told me?”

Cas shrugs. “Because I’m over it now. Completely. And I was waiting for the right time to tell you.”

Dean presses another kiss to his head. “I understand. Some things have a time and a place.”

“Yeah.” A small smile crosses Cas’ face. He leans up to meet Dean’s lips with his own for a short kiss. He moves away and settles back into the hug. “So, after I’d been lying there on the bed for a while, I sat up and pulled myself together. I took a searing hot shower and scrubbed my skin where he’d touched me – I felt dirty. Although, I had to leave my ass alone because it was bleeding. Quite bad. I had to change the sheets on my bed.”

“Oh Cas.” Dean says, and it’s almost a sympathetic whine. Cas continues for now.

“I changed the sheets and sat up for at least two hours, just thinking about what I should do. I knew I had to tell someone; I wasn’t stupid. I knew that I’d been abused, even though at the time I thought it was normal. I was aware that it would have hurt a little bit anyway as it always does to begin with, but not that much; I knew bleeding was bad.”

Cas repositions his head on Dean’s chest before carrying on. “With some thought, I went to my friend Kelly’s dorm at three in the morning. She could tell something was wrong as soon as she opened her door. I talked it out with her and as soon as it was nine o’clock the next morning, Kelly and my other friend Ishim took me to the student’s union. I talked to the woman about it and she got Greg expelled and had the police deal with him, like I said before. After that, I spoke to my mom and told her what happened. They let me study from home for a while because I was a little disturbed by what had happened. I wasn’t sleeping well, if at all, and I wasn’t eating much either. Mom happily paid for therapy sessions to help me out, and after three months I was set straight again. It really helped.”

“I’m glad, Cas. Just a question, though.”

“Ask away.” Cas says honestly, closing his eyes again. Even after reliving the memories, he isn’t bothered by them. He’s still peaceful. He feels safe in Dean’s arms. It’s just how Dean makes him feel; safe, loved, at peace.

“If you had a bad experience with bottoming, how come you’ve never wanted to top? I thought it would have been the other way around.”

Cas is silent for a moment while he sorts his thoughts and his reasoning. “When I went back to college after I finished therapy, I met someone else. A guy called David. I was very reluctant to get close to him at first, but he treated me well. He was nice. There’s was no nasty side; he made me feel good about myself. And when it came to having sex, I’d already decided I was going to try being bottom again. I didn’t want to get hung up about it and I trusted David _so much_ more than Greg. I was nervous and he understood why because I’d told him what happened, so he took it extra slow and gentle and…he gave me everything that night. He made me feel so good and that completely eliminated any fears I had. I knew then that I’d just had a bad experience. I was unlucky. David showed me that bottoming wasn’t painful.”

“David, wherever you are, thank you.” Dean chuckles.

“Eventually, we broke up because we didn’t quite click emotionally. It was a mutual agreement, so it wasn’t painful. I made sure to thank him for being so good with me. We left on good terms.”

“Hey, that’s good. I’m glad you didn’t have some massive horrible break up.”

“Me too. Although, after David I started to worry about topping. I had only ever been a bottom, and I somehow managed to convince myself that if I tried to top, I’d hurt someone.” He pauses for a moment. “I’ve been scared all these years thinking I’ll hurt someone I love, and I don’t want to cause them any pain. I don’t want to cause _you_ any pain. I guess I just have it in my head that I’ll do something wrong and then…and then I’ll hurt you and you’ll be lying there like I was when I was nineteen. That’s why I always bottom. I’d rather be hurt myself than hurt someone else.”

“You’re not going to hurt me, Cas.” Dean says softly. “When you’re completely ready to try it, I’ll walk you through every step. I’ll teach you all the tricks and show you what to do so it’s nearly completely painless. Obviously, there’s the sting when the dick is pushing in, but that’s it. You know that from your experience with me, yeah? After penetration, it’s easy gliding. Literally.” Dean chuckles.

“You’re the best sex partner I’ve ever had by the way. I barely feel anything but pleasured and good when I’m bottoming for you.” Cas admits.

“And that’s what you’ll do for me when you top. I promise. If you do it right and use a good amount of lube, everything will be fine. You’ll be fine.” Dean reassures him. “And if you ever decide you don’t wanna top any more or you don’t wanna try it at all, that’s fine too. As long as we’re together and we’re happy, I don’t care what we do in bed.”

Cas smiles. “Thank you. For understanding.”

“I love you, Cas. You can tell me anything, okay? Like, say you’re half way through topping and you wanna stop, just tell me and we can switch or stop or _whatever_. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

“I love you too.” Cas leans up to kiss Dean again, a little harder this time. He hears _More than Words_ start playing from their playlist and it really ups the affection he’s feeling for Dean right now.

Cas raises his hand and holds Dean’s cheek, urging him to turn a little so he can kiss him. He lets their lips slide against each other slowly. Dean shifts a bit so they are in a better position then cups Cas’ cheek, pressing a little further. Cas accepts the firmer press of lips happily, sliding his other hand up and down Dean’s chest like he was doing before.

He feels Dean smile against his lips, which makes Cas smile himself as they push themselves closer to each other. Cas lets his mouth fall a little more open, and Dean eagerly introduces some tongue until they’re making out completely, lips fully slick.

Cas slides his hand into Dean’s hair slowly as well as moving his other further down Dean’s chest. He runs his palm over Dean’s stomach slowly, pressing lightly. Dean lets out a little hum. Nibbling at Cas’ lip.

Cas isn’t feeling turned on at all. Not a remote tingle in the pit of his stomach. No interested twitch in his dick. No heat rising from his skin. It’s weird, but he’s still enjoying kissing Dean. At the end of the day, he can still get Dean off even if he can’t get himself off.

“You don’t have to do this.” Dean murmurs between kisses.

“I want to. Shut up.” Cas smiles again then goes back to kissing. Dean chuckles into the kiss and wraps his arms around Cas’ body, holding him close.

Cas drags his hand lower until he reaches Dean’s belt, tugging it a few times teasingly. Dean’s breathing quickens at this, and he lets out a gasp when Cas brushes his fingers over his growing bulge.

He runs his fingers over the erection, his touch feather-light which makes Dean squirm. Cas pushes his hand lower between Dean’s legs to rub against his balls all the way up to his dick again before loosening his belt. The sound of the buckle clanking usually turns Cas on, but right now it just makes him feel just a little excited. Dean seems to go crazy over it though, his muscles tensing under Cas’ fingers where he is now tugging his shirt out of his pants.

Cas smirks and pulls away from the kiss, favouring kissing and sucking against the heat of Dean’s neck. He sucks hard at a spot just below Dean’s collar when he slides his hand under his shirt, feeling the warm skin beneath. Cas presses a trail of small kisses across Dean’s jawline while he slowly, delicately, slips his hand below Dean’s waistband, his fingers coming in to contact with his partner’s hardened dick.

Dean chases his lips for more kisses when Cas starts stroking, using some precome as lube since Dean has gotten so hard already. Dean lets out a quiet groan, his hips shifting when Cas takes him in his hand and starts jerking him off.

Cas breaks away from Dean’s lips again to move to the side, nibbling at Dean’s earlobe at the same time as running his thumb over Dean’s slit, twisting his hand a little at the top just as Dean likes.

“Cas.” Dean whines which just makes him want to go faster and harder.

“What do you want, Dean?” Cas asks, a little breathless himself.

“It- it’s perfect as is, Cas. Just…keep doing what you’re doing.” Dean manages before groaning again. Cas smiles in satisfaction when Dean’s dick gives a firm twitch in his hand. He settles for pressing more wet, open mouthed kisses to Dean’s neck as he continues moving his hand.

Dean’s arm shifts between them and Cas feels Dean’s hand stroking his dick lightly. Even through his sweatpants, it’s obvious he’s completely soft. He wishes he wasn’t but hey, the time will come when he gets his spark back.

“Not feeling anything?” Dean breathes, sliding his hand into Cas’ boxers, rubbing Cas’ crotch gently even though he knows it won’t get Cas hard. Can enjoys the sensation all the same.

“Nope. Just feels like you’re touching my dick without sexual context.”

“Quote of the day.” Dean snorts before he has to throw his head back in pleasure at Cas’ ministrations. “ _Oh_.”

Cas ends up jerking Dean for a while longer until they both decide they want to finish it off in the shower, where Cas proceeds to take Dean into his mouth quite happily. He doesn’t have to suck for long before Dean’s body is tensing under his fingers and he has to pull away.

“Is it okay if I don’t swallow today? I don’t know if I can stomach it or not with the whole…stomach thing.”

“’S fine.” Dean moans when Cas nods and takes him down his throat again, blowing him until Dean is sent over the edge of bliss, coming hard into Cas’ mouth. Cas pulls away and spits out the come in his mouth, all the while feeling the rest of Dean’s come shooting across his face. He doesn’t mind in the slightest.

Dean cups his cheek and urges him to look up from his position on the shower floor.

“Aw, I came on your pretty face.” Dean pouts, helping Cas up. He smiles at Cas and raises his hand, using the hot water streaming down over them to wash the pearly liquid away from Cas’ face.

Cas smiles and presses their bodies close together, kissing Dean softly and slowly.

“Love you Cas.” Dean whispers, his arms wrapped all the way around Cas’ waist.

“Love you more.”

“Aw don’t be sappy. Stop.” Dean teases.

“Make me.” Cas teases back.

Dean smiles and pulls Cas close, letting his head rest on his shoulder. Cas kisses him there repeatedly, feeling nice and relaxed.

“If I wasn’t tired then, I definitely am now.” Cas admits, letting out a little yawn.

“Let’s get to bed. It’s getting late.” Dean decides, in agreement with Cas.

They step out of the shower and dry each other off. Dean helps Cas dry off first, running the fluffy towel over his ribs gently. Cas sighs at the feeling of Dean’s touch and his careful fingers.

He gets dressed in a t-shirt and a pair of loose boxers, loving the feeling of being in clean pajamas for bed after a nice shower.

Cas turns around to Dean, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Thank you for understanding everything.”

He feels Dean circle his arms around his waist. “You’re the best person in my life right now. I’m so far gone that I’m pretty sure I’ll understand _everything_ you tell me.”

Cas smiles and closes his eyes, resting his chin on Dean’s bare shoulder. “Me too.”

Dean runs a hand across his back. “Go get comfy, and I’ll join you in a minute?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll wait up for you.” He says through a yawn.

“You’re gonna fall asleep.” Dean decides, pulling back but keeping Cas in his arms loosely.

“No I won’t.” Cas pouts.

Dean raises an eyebrow and Cas smiles, looking down. He moves his hands and runs both up and down Dean’s chest before he meets Dean’s gaze. “See you in a minute.”

Dean presses a single kiss to his lips and strokes his hair back from his forehead before letting go.

They exchange one last smile before Cas leaves the bathroom and sits down on the edge of their bed, flopping backwards to lie on his back, feet still planted on the floor.

He smiles to himself, truly happy.

* * *

Dean leaves the bathroom and isn’t surprised when he sees Cas asleep on the bed on his back, hand resting next to his face. He always looks cute when he’s asleep.

He slides his arm under Cas’ back and slides the other under the crook of his knees, lifting him up to place him in bed properly. It doesn’t take much effort at all because of the weight Cas has lost recently; he’s really quite light now.

When he’s got Cas comfortable in bed, he climbs in himself and switches the light off. Dean pulls Cas close, and he seems to snuggle up to him in his sleep. Dean smiles and brings Cas as close as possible, kissing the top of his head.

Dean slides his arm across Cas’ waist, locking their fingers so his hand rests over the top of Cas’. His fingers brush over Cas’, and he pays special attention to Cas’ ring finger, running his thumb along the area just above his knuckle slowly. It brings warm thoughts drifting through his head.

_I’m going to propose_.


End file.
